First off, we've officially reached the One Year Mark of trying to get pregnant. Which means, according to the very definition of "infertility"....we have it. Infertility, that is. I mean, just if you're going with the textbook definition of it. "Inability to achieve pregnancy after a year of trying". Nason argues that that definition does not apply to us, because it took us a year and a half last time around, and we now have Gunnar, so how could we possibly be infertile? I guess he's right, but......I want to whine, gripe, complain, vent, feel sorry for myself, and elicit sympathy, so I'm going to go ahead and call us "infertile" for now.
I'm trying to focus on the "spiritual/emotional/mental" implications of this, while at the same time taking some "practical", proactive steps.
From a "spiritual/emotional/mental" standpoint, here's where I am:
- starting to get a bit frustrated
- feeling a bit anxious (but less about "what if we NEVER get pregnant" and more about sort of stupid things, like "I don't want to be an old mom", and "I don't want to be left out, and be one of the only ones amongst my closest friends NOT having/about to have their second child right now", and "what if Baby #2 doesn't have a built in group of best friends, like Gunnar is lucky enough to have, BECAUSE I'm not having a baby at the same time as all my other friends", etc.
- starting to feel stressed (not a lot, but a little bit), and pressured, as though we need to start making big decisions ("Do we need to start considering infertility treatments?" "Should we just assume that maybe God doesn't WANT us to have more kids?" "Should we just forget about trying to have another biological kid, and maybe start considering adoption?".) Nason says I'm getting way ahead of myself, and I probably am. Or...maybe HE'S stuck way BEHIND himself (as if that even makes sense).
I was telling Krista the other day that I'm just going to make the best of it, and focus on reasons why it's AWESOME to not be pregnant right now, and maybe even go on some sort of crazy workout/diet regime, and get in the best shape of my whole life, because by doing so:
a) I'll be in somewhat of a win-win situation (I'm NOT pregnant, but in SUPER AWESOME shape), OR I get pregnant (and am therefore NOT in super awesome shape, but who would care at that point? I'd be so pumped to be pregnant, I'd happily get fat all over again)
b) Murphy's Law would pretty much ensure that as soon as I got at my goal weight/shape, I'd get pregnant, and ruin everything I'd worked so hard for! So kind of like some reverse psychology on my body....
and Krista, ever my wisest friend, reminded me that (even though it would be fine to do all that) the BETTER thing to focus on would be just that this is God's "portion" for me right now. Whether I can find a way to construe my "infertility" as awesome or not, isn't the point..maybe I can do things to make it seem cool, or maybe I can't, but it doesn't matter...it's what God has for me right now, and His way is best, and just by accepting that, I can probably gain a lot more peace and contentment in the midst of it, than by scurrying around trying to make myself THINK I don't care about being pregnant. So true. So that's what I'm trying to focus on (while at the same time increasing my gym visits, and decreasing my caloric intake..ha ha)
Practical Steps:
1) Thinking about switching doctors. Long story, but not loving her (she who shall remain nameless). She's not nearly as proactive as my last doctor (Dr. Shaushua was the Doctor Love of My Life, who sadly, now only specializes in urinary tract problems. Why would you want to focus on urine instead of babies all day????)
2) Making some healthier changes to my diet. I've pretty much had the whole gammut of tests run on me (and Nason) and we're fine, BUT I have a pretty horrible diet, and sometimes poor nutrition can contribute to infertility, so I've decided I may as well give that a go (plus, it helps me in my "get in awesome shape" endeavor as well)
Ok anyway. Enough about that.
On to..Gunnar's Greatest Weekend...
I think the stars must have been aligned just right for Gunnar this weekend, because the kid really couldn't have asked for a better weekend. We didn't AIM to spoil him rotten this weekend...there were just several things we'd be talking about wanting to do with him/get him lately, and for some reason, all of the things seemed to occur this weekend.
First of all, he had a playdate with the Magee Tribe on Friday, whom he adores.
He ended up having a surprise sleepover at Grammy and Poppy's house (which obviously was a nice surprise for us too!!).
He woke up to doughnuts from Poppy.
We picked him up, and went straight to Target, where Nason (I say Nason, because this was totally all his idea) proceeded to buy him a Spiderman, Batman, AND Ironman.
Chick-Fil-A lunch date with Nason.
Went and saw Ice Age after he woke up from his nap.
Poppy bought him a new fishing pole on Sunday, and tried to take him fishing, but it got rained out, so he got to go have milkshakes with him instead.
While he was gone, Nason and I went and bought a new DVD player, because ours broke a while ago, and we just keep forgetting to go buy a new one, so poor kid hasn't been able to watch any of his movies in ages. I'm pretty sure that out of all the fun things that happened to him over the weekend, he was the MOST excited about coming home to the DVD player. His jaw dropped, and he kept saying "I'm so excited about the CD player! I'm so excited about the CD player!". Funny kid.
Anyway, he's at such a fun age right now, and it's so cute that he's starting to have so many different things that he's "into". It makes it really hard to not spoil him.
All that fun, and no pictures though!! I have really become so lame in the picture taking arena. I NEVER remember to take them anymore. It's one of many MANY MANY reasons that I need an iPhone. (other reasons include, but are not limited to:
-Everyone one else has one
-My life would be better if I did too
-T-Mobile is for losers
- If I can't have a baby, I should at least have an iPhone
: )
