So as promised (to myself), I went ahead and composed my list of
"Things I Do", and
"Things I Don't Do". I wonder if I should be concerned about the fact that the list of "Things I Don't Do" is every bit as long, if not longer than, the list of "Things I Do" ? Nahhhhh.
Ok, here goes....
Things I Do
(by the way, these are not necessarily things I do WELL...they're just things that I definitely DO believe are worthy of, and/or I enjoy enough, to dedicate my life to, spend my time on, and joyfully allow to be the focus of each day.)
1)
I do follow Christ. I spend time learning about what He is like, and what He wants me to be like, and then I do my best to implement what I've learned.
So this looks like: attending church, serving in various ministries, spending time in prayer, reading my Bible, participating in Bible studies, and reading books that spur me along in my spiritual growth.
2)
I do believe in the importance of marriage, and consider mine to be a huge blessing, so I devote a fair amount of my time and thought into keeping mine and Nason's a good one. So this look likes: date nights, quality conversations, and "becoming a student of Nason" (learning what kinds of things make him feel most loved and appreciated, and then doing them).
3)
I do take seriously the responsibility that is my son. I know that God is ultimately in control of the way our children turn out, BUT obviously, as parents, we have a huge opportunity to influence what kind of people they are going to become. I can think of no other job that is more important, or that I would rather do.
So this looks like: making sure every second of our day is purposeful. Not necessarily planned and rigid and structured, but still purposeful. Purposeful to be having fun, making good memories, making sure Gunnar knows he is loved, and valued, and special. Purposeful to be teaching him the basic skills he'll need to know in life. Purposeful to make sure that we are building certain character qualities into him. Purposeful to make sure that in word, and in example, we are constantly pointing him to Jesus. Purposeful to make sure that he leaves our house one day knowing how to think for himself, and make wise decisions for himself. So I spend lots of time thinking through how to effectively accomplish all of those things, because they are all so important.
4)
I do believe in the importance, and in the blessing, of a community of friends who are more like family than friends.
So this looks like: spending lots and lots of time with them!!!! It may even look like drinking margaritas together, on our much-needed girls night outs. It also looks like anticipating each others needs, taking care of each others kids, and knowing just about everything that is going on in each others lives. By the way,
I also do think it's an absolute joy and pleasure to hang out with my REAL family. I kind of lucked out with them, and pretty much have amazing parents, siblings, and in-laws (yes, it's true! Even the in-laws!)
5)
I do pursue certain hobbies, even if they seem dumb and pointless, because I NEED time alone, and activities that are basically just all about me.
So this looks like: blogging. reading. running. I'm feeling the need lately to add something else to this list. I need to learn a skill or something, I think. I've had Rosetta Stone Spanish software for an eternity now, so maybe that's what it will be. Maybe I'll start doing all of my blog entries in Spanish??
6)
I do plan, organize, and create "systems" for things. I think this could potentially be a "hobby" in itself. I'm not too sure if there's anything else I like doing more than I like planning, organizing, making lists, coming up with systems and charts and ways of doing things. I definitely think I like the planning of things more than I like the actual implementation of things. Yes, I for sure do.
So this looks like: making book-lists, having goal-planning days, chore charts, pages and pages of written out plans for everything from "How to Get Gunnar to Start Doing _______________" to "How to Quit Worrying", step-by-step instructions written out by me, on who knows what, calendar entries reminding me that it's "Pantry Cleaning Out" day, or "Gunnar's Bathroom Cabinet Cleaning Out Day", etc. Yeah, I may only implement these things I plan 60-70% of the time, but I can guarantee you that is 60-70% more often than I would be if I DIDN'T do all my planning. It works for me, and I enjoy it in and of itself, so it stays on the list of Things I Do.
8)
I do make a big deal out of events. I think a big to-do SHOULD be made of milestones, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, vacations, etc. Why not?? Why not celebrate these things BIG? Life in between these events can look a lot of ways...often times good, of course, but sometimes hard, stressful, exhausting or mundane. Why not celebrate the good times in a memorable way? I felt like this before I had Gunnar, but I feel even more strongly about it now. I love the idea of making fun memories for him. I don't want his childhood to ONLY be about fun, but I want it to be a LOT about fun. For that matter, I want OUR live to be about fun sometimes, too.
So this looks like: having big elaborate plans for just about every calendar event, and (of course) beginning the planning of those things weeks and months in advance. It's fun. I LOVE it. It's not stressful to me, at all. It's just pure fun, and I love it. Did I say that enough times? It's fun, and I love it.
Things I Don't Do
(I can already tell, just as Shauna Niequist...author who originally inspired this list...said, this is going to be so freeing! These are all the things I simply don't do, so why even try, or pretend like I do??)
I'm not the mom who comes to a playdate/church/vacation/day of running errands/etc with EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE THING Gunnar could ever possibly need or want while we're away from home. Seriously, I do well to leave the house with a few extra diapers. You simply will not catch me with a big shoulder bag, full of extra wipes, extra snacks, extra clothes, various toys, extra bandaids, extra first aid kit, extra towel, Kleenex...need I go on? I'm NOT making fun of the moms who have this. Seriously...I'm not. Lord knows, I'm constantly having to BORROW all those things from all of my other, better prepared, mom-friends. I wish I was that way...I'm sure THEY wish I was that way...I'm just not.
I don't brush my hair..ever...and I don't brush Gunnar's either. I also am really bad about trimming his fingernails, toe-nails, and other types of basic grooming that most moms do. He does get a bath, and he does get his teeth brushed, on a fairly regular basis, so that's good ; )
I'm not a thoughtful-in-a-creative-way kind of person. I love my family and my friends. I want to do thoughtful things for them. I want to help them when they need help. I just need to be told what it is that they want/need done. I probably am never going to anticipate that the thing that you most need to make you feel better, is just for someone to show up on your front porch with a cupcake. My friend Beth is more that person. I MAY (maybe) think of the cupcake idea, but then I would overanalyze it ("maybe it would be annoying to them if I just randomly showed up without calling first. Maybe they would think that it was weird that I drove all this way to bring them a cupcake. Maybe the cupcake will totally screw up the diet that they're on, and they will wish I'd never brought it to them. Maybe they would rather that I brought them dinner, and not a cupcake"), and end up just not doing it at all. So thoughtful-in-a-creative way, I'm not, but I'd like to think that I am still thoughtful. Call me and TELL me that you want a cupcake, and I'll drop everything and be there in five minutes with it.
I'm not a good small-talker, and I'm not a good one-on-one, deep conversation, talker. I'm a GREAT small-group-of-people talker. By the way, my two worst social situation nighmares:
1) Parties or LARGE group gatherings, where I don't know many people well, and I am forced to "mingle". I despise mingling. I even kind of hate in church when they tell you greet the people near you. I'm ok shaking your hand, but please, let's not make small talk. Neither of us is going to remember what in the world the other person said anyway, in our 30 second conversation.
2) Being alone with just one other person. There is NO escape if conversation starts to dwindle!! All the pressure is on you, to keep it going. There is no where else to look, but into the other person's eyes. It's downright uncomfortable.
I LOVE groups though. Let's say 3-8 people or so. Conversationally, I thrive in that environment. You probably can't get me to shut up in that situation. There's a good number of people to talk to. Lots of different topics and opinions get brought up. You can get some good, deep discussion going on, far beyond the realm of "small talk", and yet it's not QUITE as intimate as one-on-one.
I'm not a good decorator! I hate this one, because I think I've fooled myself into thinking I am for a long time. I feel like I SHOULD be...my mom is awesome at decorating, my grandma is awesome at it too. For a lot of years, especially in the early years of our marriage, I always assumed that I WAS a good decorator, but because we were newly married, and poor, and didn't have money to spend on home decor and furniture, that I just wasn't able to USE my decorating "skills" to buy the things that would make our house look awesome. Yeah, that was a lie. Because now we ARE able to buy that kind of thing, and I still have no idea whatsoever about what would look good. Oh, I have good taste I think. I could look at a picture of a living room or dining room, go buy everything to duplicate it exactly, and I'm pretty sure most people who saw it would agree with my taste, and like how it turned out. But when it comes to piecing together a room on my own...having a vision, going and finding things to turn a room INTO that vision, arranging it all, maybe even being crafty and creative and MAKING a few things to add to the mix...I'm awful. I need help. Someone (Michelle? Mom?) please help me!
I'm not overly touch-feely. It kind of weirds me out a bit, to have to hug you. I'm the total opposite with Gunnar, whose head/face/hands I kiss every five seconds or so. I'm pretty fine with public displays of affection with Nason, too. Everyone else though...a wave or a handshake will do just fine. Know that on the inside, I'm mentally hugging you :)
Well that was awfully long, but I've gotta say...it was kind of fun! Plus, I'm at the beach, Gunnar is taking a marathon nap, (so is Nason), and my in-laws have mysteriously vanished,and I've already gotten all the sun I can handle for one day, so what else was I to do??
