Martin Bash-ing

All My Children used to be the show that I ALWAYS had on during Gunnar's naptime, that I would watch while I ate lunch, or folded laundry, or did whatever household chores were on the to-list for the given day. Sadly, and despite all logic and reasoning, AMC came to an end this year.  So did Oprah, AND the Regis- half of Regis and Kelly.  Not that I'm wallowing in my TV show sorrows or anything.

Anyway, I needed a new "show".  Couple this, with the fact that one of my goals for the year was to reacquaint myself with politics and current events (there was a time, not so long ago, where I actually could have contributed, SOMEWHAT intelligently, to a conversation about politics, government, and world events, but then I became a mom, and my time was spent on other things, and my brain became mush) and I decided to start tuning in to MSNBC during Gunnar's naptime.

Now it just so happens that Gunnar is typically snoozing right around two o'clock, which is exactly when a certain Martin Bashir spews his nonsensical opinions on the air, and I'm therefore forced to listen to them.  Or, I could just change the channel, or turn the TV off. But I've found that it's actually quite fun to yell out loud, or in my head, at him (and his nonsensical opinions).  Anyway, he said something this week that really just annoyed me.  He expressed that, in his opinion, birth control is the best way to ensure that a woman doesn't "have to" have an abortion.

Now, I'm not opposed to birth control.  At all.  What I am opposed to though, is people who have no concept whatsoever of personal responsibility.  Well that, and people who have no regard for human life in general.

The best way to not "have to" have an abortion, is to remind yourself that sometimes having sex results in making a baby. Having reminded yourself of that, if you still want to proceed, accept responsibility for the life you create, if you create it.  Grow up, and raise your child, already!  If you're unable to do that...NEWS FLASH!  There's other people who ARE willing to give your child a loving home...it's called "adoption".  Uh-dop-shun.  Why in the world would anyone ever "have to" kill their baby?  I seriously can't wrap my brain around it.  But thanks for making throw up in my mouth a little bit, Martin.

Weekly Musings

Mission Impossible.... Finding the notebook you see pictured below:

I originally bought this notebook at Target, two years ago, and have bought six more since that time. I use it for EVERYTHING....it's my journal/to-do list/jot notes down at a meeting/etc notebook. Yes, I realize most people in my generation use things a bit more tech savvy, such as an ipad, or iphone, or isomething, but as I've mentioned before, I never claimed to be a tech savvy kind of person.  I like paper and pen just fine.  Anyway, Target seems to no longer sell this notebook, and neither does any other store I've been to.  I've looked EVERYWHERE.  I've even sent my mom to several Targets in Houston trying to find them. I've even tried to call and email the company that makes them.  I've  had no success.  I wrote on the VERY LAST PAGE of my VERY LAST NOTEBOOK this week, and was then finally forced to go choose another kind of notebook, which I then went home and wrote in, and decided I  hated.  The pages just aren't as soft.  The ink doesn't write the same.  It doesn't have the same feel to it.  The paper smells different.  I'm serious, ya'll. I NEED the other notebook.  If you see it somewhere, and you buy it for me, well, I'll be your indentured servant for life.  I'll also reimburse you the $6.00 for the notebook.

I discovered.... a new playground that Gunnar adores.  It's the McDonald's playground on Parmer, kind of near the Avery Ranch area.  Perfect place to sit and sip on my beloved diet cokes, while I watch Gunnar play.  Well, this particular time, I didn't watch Gunnar play much, because it was the day my video got posted on Bobby Bones' page as one of the Top 10 Finalists, and I was therefore glued to my phone the whole time, watching with an eagle eye, the mean comments as they rolled in.  I'm usually not the mom that sits on her phone instead of playing with her kids.  I'm seriously not.  But this was a special circumstance, I like to think.  Anyway, it was fun, and way better than the icky sticky indoor playground at the other McDonald's, so we'll be back.

"Return to Innocence" by Enigma...is a good song to run to.  Or I'm just weird. Either which way, I've  found myself listening to it on repeat a few times during my runs this week.

Krista Box....once again, earns recognition on this blog. She kept Gunnar for half a day on Friday for me while I did some shopping. I bought myself a new pair of jeans (my first NON-skinny jeans in ages), some jeans for Gunnar (which do not fit his tall and skinny little self...in fact, at church today, the guy walking behind us called our attention to the fact that Gunnar's butt crack was hanging out of his jeans.  That was a proud moment, for sure.), and some pretty new things for my very "blah" living room mantel. The entire wall is about to get painted, but here's what it's looking like so far:

I'm considering...reinstating the gag-worthy vegan diet.  I had a horrifying, terrifying, and petrifying thought earlier...bathing suit season is, at most, 6 weeks away.  If I'm not going to be pregnant during the summer months (and it's seeming like I'm not), then I don't have a valid reason for looking gross.  In the winter, when jeans and sweaters can easily cover a bit o' flab, it's easy to justify McDonald's for breakfast and Wendy's for lunch.  In the summer, when your flab is on full display as you chase your toddler round and round the pool....not so much.  Bye bye delicious french fries.  Hello dry and tasteless carrot sticks.

Love and Logic

I just finished reading, "Love and Logic", by Foster Cline and Jim Fay.  It is by far my favorite parenting book, and the one that Nason and I are definitely going to be using as our  primary "go to" from now on.

The general premise of it is that kids need to grow up learning how to make wise and sound decisions FOR THEMSELVES.  That the concept of personal responsibility doesn't come automatically...it comes from practice.  That parents who solve all of their kids problems for them, ultimately teach their kids....suprise....that other people should solve their problems for them, and then...surprise....those kids live the rest of their lives EXPECTING other people to solve their problems for them.

Anyway, I could go on and on, and before I knew it, I'd just end up re-writing the whole book for you in this blog post.  It's REALLY, REALLY good though, and if you have kids, I HIGHLY recommend it.  Every time I sat down to read it, I made sure I had my highlighter in hand, and I pretty much ended up highlighting the entire book (or at least that's how it felt).

I really want to make sure that I REMEMBER and IMPLEMENT the things I read, so this week, I decided to go back through the book, and each day, specifically focus on ONE of the concepts that I had highlighted when I read the book the first time.  I think I will continue on with this method, so that the information stays fresh on my mind, and so that I am daily putting into practice what I've read.

So this week, the five concepts I focused on were:

1) "The challenge of parenting is to love your kids enough to ALLOW them to fail.  To stand back, however painful it may be, and let SLO's (significant learning opportunities) build our children."  
   One really practical way I've been trying to apply this with Gunnar (and sometimes failing, because it's HARD), is to not go out of my way to try to prevent him from getting a certain consequence or discipline that he deserves.  For example, if I warn him once to not do something, and tell him that if he does it again, it will be a time out, my tendency is to either KEEP warning him, so that he doesn't forget, thereby receiving the punishment due him, or remove him from the situation so that it's virtually IMPOSSIBLE for him to disobey.  Basically, protecting him from the consequence of his own action. So I've been really mindful to simply tell him once, and after that, step back, and let the cards fall where they may.

2) "Parents who raise responsible kids spend very little time and energy worrying about their kids' responsibilities.  They worry more about how to let the children encounter SLO's for their irresponsibility.  


3) "Parents who abide by Love and Logic principles are sympathetic, but they don't solve their kids' problems.


4) "Children don't become what we (as parents) think they can, and they don't necessarily become what they think they can.  They become what they think we think they can."  
   I can see this playing out in a lot of different ways as Gunnar becomes older, but one way I think it can really apply to us right NOW, is this:  a lot of times, I automatically expect that Gunnar is going to disobey me. So I'll tell him to do something, and then instantly start reminding him of what the consequences will be if he DOESN'T obey...which probably conveys to him that I don't really think he's capable of obeying the first time.  And honestly, most of the time, I really DON'T think he is.   So my goal this week was to change my mindset, and EXPECT obedience from him....assume that he WOULD obey, and then be disappointed if he didn't, versus assume that he WOULDN'T, and then act like, "yep, that's about what I expected you'd do".

5) "When we parent with love and logic, we emphasize a powerful combination: letting our children fail  in non-threatening situations, while emphasizing their strengths"

I'm telling you, this book is sooooooooooo good.  Teaching Gunnar how to make decisions for himself (GOOD decisions for himself), and giving him a sense of personal responsibility, are two of the very biggest character qualities that we want to make sure we're instilling in him.

I've got to be honest...this stuff does NOT come easy for me, and I really suck at a lot of it so far.  I WANT to fix things for Gunnar, and I WANT to protect him from hard, "unfair", and difficult things, and so a lot of times, I do.  I totally buy into what this book is saying though, and I'm determined to change my ways!

Look for 5 more "tidbits" to be posted on here next week (or don't, and raise unloved and illogical kids.  It's your choice really.  Ha haaaaaaaa)

Gunnar is Awesome/A Turd

Seriously, he is.

Here's my Big Thought on kids, and on being a parent:

There is no "easiest" stage, and there is no "hardest" stage.

As soon as you get the hang of one thing, you become clueless about some new thing.

As soon as one easy thing starts to become harder, one harder thing starts to become easier.

As soon as one new habit/disciplinary problem begins, one totally cute/fun aspect of their personality emerges.

I could go on and on about the ironies of parenting.  Oh, here's another one.  There are some days, when all  day long, all you can think about is, "I cannot WAIT to drop this kid off at his grandparents for the night, and have a break..and then the second you drop him off, you think, "Oh man.  I'm gonna miss him so much!  I can't wait to go pick him up in the morning".  (well, and then you have a margarita, some queso, and an actual conversation with your husband, and you think, "I DO miss him, but I think I CAN wait until the morning to pick him up ;)  )

Anyway, the last few months, Gunnar has tried our patience possibly more than he ever has before.  He is strong headed.  He is insistent. He is bound and determined to do what he wants to do. (He is his daddy).  He is fussy.  He is whiny.  He is defiantly disobedient many times.  He develops some new and random fear every week (this week it is "cats"), messing up his bedtime and naptime, and causing us to constantly revamp our plan, our strategy, and our rules of what he can and cannot watch, read and listen to.

But....

He is the most fun he has ever been.  He is TOTALLY a REAL member of the family now.  What I mean  is, he's not just a baby that gets taken care of, but doesn't contribute much to what goes on.  Nope. He has a personality, and he has opinions, and he has things to talk about. He has things  he wants to do, and asks to do.  He has people he likes, and people he doesn't like. He has a sense of humor...he can intentionally tell jokes, and kid around with us now, and we love it.  He says funny little phrases and expressions like, "Oh wait, actually...nevermind" (that's a mama phrase, by the way), and,"hey, let's hang out for a bit", and, "I'm so excited, I can hardly wait!".  He can be reasoned with.  He understands a LOT more about the world, and how it works.  He remembers things that he is taught.  He uses words like, "stupendous". He pats my hair and says, "it's ok mama, it'll be alright", when I discipline him about something, which is kind of condescending, but still pretty funny.

Anyway, I just love that little guy to the moon and back, and have become so aware lately of what a NON-baby he is, and what a KID he has become, and while in some ways I mourn that a bit, I mainly just love it.  I could kiss on his chubby cheeks and fuzzy little blonde head all day long, and mostly, I do.

And I also still think that he's a total turd.

Ah, Disappointment....How I've Missed You!

So, my lifelong dream to be a co-host on the Bobby Bones show was ALMOST realized this week. If I wasn't a stay at home mom, and I could have ANY career, here is what I would choose to be, in this order:

1) a political speechwriter
2) a psychiatrist, and one who deals with only the very craziest of the crazies
3) Oprah
4) Amy from the Bobby Bones show

Anyway,  I was so close.  I was NINE people away from actually breathing in oxygen from the same room as Bobby, Lunchbox, and Carlos.  Apparently, I was nine funnier, cooler, more original, people away.  Or at least six. Gosh, what is WRONG with me?  Why I am such a LOSER? Why doesn't anyone LIKE  me??  Just kidding.  I still like myself, and all.  I WAS disappointed though.  Not curl up and cry, and ask "Why God? Whyyyyy?????" disappointed, but "feel like a little bit of air is being let out of your tire" disappointed.  But you know what I realized shortly thereafter?  That was the first time I had been disappointed like THAT, in a long time, AND.........it was actually kind of a GOOD feeling.  What?!? (you may ask).  Well, let me explain.

It's not that I don't give myself enough goals and challenges.  I think I do.  But they're not necessarily COMPETITIVE goals and challenges.  They're more like "things I want to become better at", or "areas I need to improve upon" or "systems I want to implement, to make my life/household/parenting/etc better".  I've even set a few physical goals for myself in recent years, like running my first 10K, and then running two half marathons shortly thereafter, and there was definitely a good deal of satisfaction in setting, then working towards, then achieving those goals, but there still wasn't any COMPETITION involved. It was just me competing against my inner lazy self, I guess.  

Anyway, it was kind of GOOD to have something that I had to compete for... something I had to wait in anticipation to find out the results of, EVEN IF the results ultimately kind of sucked.  It made me realize that I might be a little more competitive than I previously realized, and that maybe it would be good for me to figure out some sort of an outlet for my competitiveness. By the way, ever since the competition ended, I have not been able to stop thinking of ideas for "Be Amy for a Day" videos.  I'm kind of obsessed.  I have a whole slew of them now, and if ever Amy is gone for the day again, and they repeat this competition, I think I've got it in the bag this time around.

I know everyone that reads this blog has surely already seen my video on Facebook, but here it is again.  Also, if you haven't seen the video of the girl who won, I included that for you too.  It really is good, and I think she definitely deserved to win (damn her!).  Just kidding.

Weekly Musings

It turns out that....
I can't eat whatever I want, in whatever quantities I want, and NOT gain weight.  Who woulda thunk it?  Mine and Nason's infamous vegan diet kind of tapered off in December, and we just haven't seemed to be able to get back on track.  I think partly due to the fact that I'm running again, and try as I might, I can't seem to convince my subconcious that people who run a lot do NOT automatically have a license to consume 3000 calories a day.  It's also partly due to the fact that I hate vegetables.  I mean, I just really do. How in the HELL are you supposed to be a vegan when you hate vegetables?  I was telling Nason this morning, here's the deal: I can pretty much starve myself (not that I've ever done that) and exercise like a maniac, and I'm capable of losing about 8 pounds total.  That's pretty much the most I've ever lost.  Or, I can live off of cheeseburgers and tater tots, and GAIN about 8 pounds total.  That's pretty much the most I've ever gained.  I never seem to notice a HUGE difference between the two extremes, except maybe having an indentation in my hips at the end of the day, from the waist band of my slightly-too-tight jeans digging into my waist, so I may as well just eat what I want, and forget about it.  Then Nason reminded me, "yeah, but you can still get cancer, diabetes, high blood pressure, and premature aging".  Oh yeah.  There is that.  Well crap.

It also turns out that...
I have the skin of of 14 year old kid.  Oh wait...not in a good way.  I don't mean that my skin is youthful and glowing.  It's so not.  I mean that I still break out like a teenager!!!  I NEVER EVER EVER had pimples in junior high or high school, when most people get them.  I'm serious...never.  Then, suddenly, when I was 24, I started getting a bad case of pimple face.  I actually had to start using Proactive.  I've been using it ever since, but it's expensive, and honestly, it's a pain in the butt to haul Gunnar into the mall once a month to buy a new bottle, so this month, I thought, I'm 30 years old for crying out loud.  Surely I don't need medicated face cream.  So I quit using it, and guess what?  I broke out!  Oh my gosh.  My self-esteem has taken a beating this month.  Weight gain and pimples all in one month?  Lovely.  So, it's back to Proactive.

I feel justified.....
In cutting Gunnar's grapes and hotdogs in half.  I have taken a lot of heat over the last two years, for how I cut Gunnar's food up into microscopic bites.  Everyone can lay off me, because in the last 5 months or so, I have eased up a lot, and today, can proudly report that for the most part, Gunnar's morsels are about the same size as all of our his other buddies.  However....I have a thing about grapes and hot dogs.  They freak me out.  Well, hot dogs just freak me out in general.  Gunnar does NOT eat many of them.  They just seem....icky.  But when he DOES eat them, and when he eats grapes, I still cut those suckers up pretty small...and this week, I read an article in a parenting magazine, about how grapes and hotdogs are the NUMBER ONE thing that kids choke (to death!!) on, and that kids UNDER FOUR should NOT eat grapes or hot dogs that have not been cut up.  So there.  I don't want ANY lip, from ANYbody, ANYmore.  When he's four, we'll reassess the situation.

You should...
Live near your parents and/or in-laws if you have kids.  Well I mean, unless you just have a good reason not to.  But seriously....having grandparents (who are willing and eager to keep your kids) nearby is just about the greatest thing ever.  Lucky for us, BOTH sets of our parents live close, and volunteer to watch Gunnar for us often.  This weekend, Little Man stayed Friday night through noon on Saturday at Nason's parents, and although we missed him (seriously, we did), we had the BEST time.  We tried out Contigo, which we'd never been to before.  Super cool.  I had their "Moscow Mule" (vodka, ginger brew, and lime)...tasty.  Go! Try it!  We'll go with you! : )  We should be able to get a sitter pretty easy ; )

I found...
A few never-before seen pictures, on my phone.  My phone is actually Nason's old phone, so I was scrolling through all the pictures, and found a few cute ones he'd taken, that I'd never seen before.  Let's just call this "Picture Dumping for the Sake of Making My Blog More Visually Pleasing"...

So yeah...you may not want to sit in that particular chair when you come to our house.  That's a bit gross, I suppose.  

          The night we brought cupcakes to the Looper's at the hospital, for Benjamin's 1 Week Birthday

Ok, this is a weird one.  My parents have a ping pong table at their house, and Nason and my brother, Josh, invented a game where they hit ping pong balls at each others backs.  I think there's more to the game than that, but I can't remember the details.  This is what a person's back looks like though, when another person hits ping pong balls at it.  

Grammy and Poppy's gift to Gunnar for his birthday

Skyping with the Box's while they were in Uganda!  

Aww. I like this one.  Dancing at the Domain with my (little) man.  

Initial Thoughts on "Radical"....

First of all, a warning.  If you haven't read "Radical", you're going to be super bored, or confused, but mostly just bored, by this post.  You really really are.  So if you don't fall into the category of people who have read the book, I suggest you stop reading now.

Also, I'm kind of laughing at myself right now, because I'm thinking, if you take the 20 or so people who read this blog, then subtract the number of people who HAVEN'T read "Radical", you're probably down to about 3 people, and then if you subtract the number of people who HAVE read it, but who DON'T care about my opinion and thoughts on it, you're probably down to 1 person.  And that person is probably Krista, who is my best friend, and whom I could just discuss the book with in person any 'ole time.

So anyway (Krista) here are my thoughts, thus far ; )

Things  I Definitely Totally 100% Agree With From the Book:
I definitely, totally, one hundred percent agree that God asks us, as followers of Christ, to be "radically" obedient to Him, and I definitely, one hundred percent agree that many of us, probably MOST of us, myself for sure included, are not.  I think that "radically obedient" means that when God asks us to do something, we do it.  EVEN IF...no, ESPECIALLY IF... it doesn't make sense, isn't comfortable, isn't logical, goes against what everyone else is doing, seems impossible, seems crazy.  I believe that it is safe to assume that God OFTEN times DOES ask us to do things that fall into that category.  I believe that God SERIOUSLY is not concerned with what we find to be comfortable, safe, and logical, but that He IS concerned with reaching a very lost, very hurting, very needy, very desperate world, for Him, and that in order to please Him, and truly live for Him, anyone who claims to be a Christian needs to be primarily concerned with the same thing, AND (I know this is a huge run-on sentence) that "being concerned with the same thing" often times will mean that we HAVE to do things that are crazy, uncomfortable, and "radical", because how in the world else are you going to, for example, love on and care for orphans and AIDS victims in Africa, other than to do something a bit crazier than sit in your living room and watch American Idol every night?  Oh wait...I just remembered....there IS that "Idol Gives Back" episode, where you can call in and donate money to charity.  That's pretty radical, right?? ; )

Things That Fall Into the.."I'm Still Chewing on This, and Not Sure What My Thoughts Are" Category:
Well, there's only one, so far. As my small group continues to go through this book, I intend to post more thoughts in this category.  Things that I haven't fully decided I agree with, but definitely haven't thrown into the "this is crap" pile.    This is the category that, if there IS anyone still reading this post, I'd definitely love your feedback on.  Or....Krista....we can just discuss at accountability.

The author, David Platt, seems to go on and on about how it is hard for us, as Americans who have so much "stuff" (entertainment, wealth, resources, education, etc) to be truly dependent on God.  We are so self-sufficient, or at least we think we are, that often times we feel like we don't even need God.  Because of this, Platt challenges all of us to intentionally strip ourselves of many of the "extras" we have, that contribute to these feelings of self-sufficiency....basically, to intentionally simplify our lives, for the purpose of being able to better recognize our need for God.

I'm not so sure about this point.  I'm not saying I'm opposed to stripping ourselves of extras, or simplifying our lives (in fact, I'll discuss that more in a bit), but it seems to me that if we have to DO things in order to make ourselves dependent on God, we're almost manipulating the situation.  The whole point is supposed to be for us to recognize our need for God, and our insufficiency on our own, but if we are orchestrating situations....purposely MAKING our lives more difficult, less comfortable, etc, just so that we can experience a FEELING of needing God, it almost seems to me that that is belittling God.  It's like, God isn't big enough or powerful enough to just,  by His very nature, COMMAND our dependence and worship, or, God isn't capable of putting us in situations where we are required to depend on Him, so therefore we need to "help Him out", and take control, and DO things in an attempt to manufacture a feeling of dependence on Him.

I'm pretty sure that I am not expressing this point in a way that makes much sense.  It makes a lot of sense in my head, but I wasn't really able to verbalize it very well to our small group last week, and I thought I'd have better luck WRITING it out, but I'm still having a hard time translating my thoughts into words.  Anyway, maybe I just need more time to ponder that point.


Things About the Book That I Don't Like
So, I've already stated above what I think "radical obedience" means.  However, I wonder if sometimes books like "Radical", and even "Crazy Love" by Frances Chan, don't possibly result in people being "radical", but missing the "obedient" part.  Here's what I mean...

I think it's possible, after reading "Radical" to walk away and conclude that, the way to truly please God, to truly be obedient, to truly impact the world for Christ, to truly be holy, to truly WHATEVER, is to sell all your stuff.  Or to be poor.  Or to be as uncomfortable and unhappy as possible.  Or to move to a third world country.  Or to frown upon any and all comfort, luxury, and entertainment.  To do those things, and then think, "Ok, now I'm for sure being obedient to God".  What I'm saying, is this:  Radical OBEDIENCE, requires being OBEDIENT to what God is specifically asking YOU to do.  It's not about just being radical for the sake of being radical.  Being radical just to say you are radical isn't necessarily being obedient to God.  Are you purposefully, prayerfully, EARNESTLY, daily seeking God, and His will for your life? (and by the way, I'm not claiming that I do an awesome job at this, because I don't) Through that, do you feel Him leading you to sell your stuff?  Give up some or all of your comforts and luxuries?  Move away and become a missionary?  He might be. He really might be. If so, you've got to do it.  You have to obey, even if it seems radical.  BUT, are you NOT purposefully, prayerfully, earnestly and daily seeking God's will, and you just think that by acting radically on a whim, you're obeying God?  I don't necessarily buy into that.  In a roundabout way, I guess what I'm saying is that I think after reading this book, it would be easy to take our eyes off of God, and what he is specifically asking us to do.  It would be easy to forget about the whole POINT of being radically obedient, which is to reach people for God.  In fact, it could be easy to forget about the PEOPLE completely... lost and hurting PEOPLE who don't know God are the FOCUS of what we're being radically obedient to DO.   I think  it could be easy to  get swept away in the idea of just giving stuff away, and stripping ourselves of stuff, without even remembering that it's for the PURPOSE of being able to GIVE to others.  Here's a good way to summarize what I'm trying to say:

There are three "camps" a reader could fall into, after reading this book:

1) Whoa, that's way too radical, and I don't believe God is asking me to do ANY of that stuff (this, for the record, is a bad camp to be in)

2) I need to go sell all of my stuff now, because David Platt insinuates that I should (and I personally feel like he DOES insinuate that)

3) I need to start praying, "God, what is something you are calling ME PERSONALLY to be radically obedient to?  Show me what it is, so that I can do it" (that is the camp I would like to be in)

Gosh, the more I keep writing, the more thoughts start swirling through my head about this book, and the more rambling and confusing I become.  That's ok though.  This is kind of one of those posts that is more for my own benefit than for my legions (ha ha) of readers.  My hope is that as we continue to go through this book, God will be more and more clear with me about what He wants me to understand from the book.  Maybe at that point, my thoughts on this will get more concise.

Thanks for hanging in there with me through this extremely long and rambling post. Krista ; )