Gunnar in 3D!

At the beginning of the month, we were able to go in to get our much-anticipated 3D/4D sonogram pictures done. I have been SOOOOOO incredibly excited about this for pretty much the entire pregnancy. ALMOST (dare I say) more excited than when we found out the sex. I wasn't disappointed. Our hour-long sonogram session was every bit as exciting as I thought it would be. Two UNEXPECTED feelings I experienced though were:

1) The feeling that we were kind of "spying" on him: I know that sounds dumb, and I didn't dwell on it for longer than about 5 seconds, but it did cross my mind that it was kind of strange that we were all staring at him, and watching his every move (him sucking on his toes, stretching, rearranging, scrunching up his nose, sucking, etc.) for a good hour, and he had no idea. Nor could he see us (obviously). Kind of like we were invading his privacy. Ha ha.

2) Awe/love/thankfulness/fear all combined, and in that order: Shortly after we left the doctor's office, and I was flipping through Gunnar's pictures for probably the 100th time, all of the above listed feelings kind of flooded me at once. Awe: at how CUTE he was, how AMAZING it was that the little person I was looking at in the picture was what was actually inside my stomach at that very second, and how AMAZING the entire process of conception and pregnancy, and birth and life even is. Love: I think up until that point, I loved the IDEA of Gunnar, and loved knowing that I was pregnant, and that we were soon going to have a baby, but I think actually seeing his little face really made me love HIM for the first time. Thankfulness: that God even allowed us to have such an awesome gift. I think before getting pregnant, I (and Nason, too) just kind of assumed that whenever you decided you wanted to have a baby, it would just kind of happen. Just like clockwork. Make the decision, do what needs to be done (ha ha), get pregnant, have a baby. Kind of like it was all in our hands. HOWEVER, we learned that is not the case. It took us a long time to get pregnant (a year a half). As hard as that was, it could have been worse. We know plenty of people who have taken WAY longer than that, or who were unable to get pregnant at all, or who have had lots of problems, miscarriages, etc. Bottom line: getting pregnant and having a baby is NOT in our hands. It is 100% in God's hands, and it 100% happens according to HIS plan, and in HIS timing. The fact that He has allowed us to experience that gift at all is just unbelievable, and I am so grateful. Fear: Looking at the pictures made me realize that once Gunnar is born, he is going to just be so sweet, and small, and innocent, and helpless. His physical needs, emotional needs, spiritual needs, EVERY need is going to have to be met by Nason and I. Now, I know that ultimately Gunnar belongs to the Lord, and that HE will be the one to TRULY meet his needs, however, God has put Nason and I in the position to most immediately meet those needs, and that is a BIG responsiblity (notice I use CAPS a lot to emphasize my poins :) ) Besides just his physical needs, which is overwhelming enough in itself, it will also be our responsiblity to be godly examples to Gunnar, to steer him in the right direction, to help him see and understand the purpose that God created him for, etc. It made me wonder, "Did God know what He was doing when He trusted us with this??? What if we mess Gunnar up somehow?" I'm sure every new parent feels that way, and I know it's just going to take a lot of trusting in God, and being sensitive to where He leads us, but I just hadn't really had those thoughts until Sonogram Day.

Anyway....here's a picture of our handsome little son. For all you FB friends....you've already seen this. Sorry.