So...Nason and I just finished sitting outside on the patio having a margarita, and I was telling him about my "Things I Don't Do List", and he loved the idea, and decided to come up with his own. I thought his was pretty funny, so I just had to share really quick:
Nason Does NOT:
- Have deep conversations
- Mow the lawn
- Do handiwork
- Wear "trendy s**t"
- Use "lingo" that people in certain subcultures use (church subculture-"do life together", crossfit subculture-"WOD's and PR's", etc)
- do "drama"
- tell people what they want to hear, just for the sake of telling them what they want to hear
Yep. That all sounds about spot on. Glad he's so self-aware :)
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
What I Do /What I Don't Do
So as promised (to myself), I went ahead and composed my list of "Things I Do", and "Things I Don't Do". I wonder if I should be concerned about the fact that the list of "Things I Don't Do" is every bit as long, if not longer than, the list of "Things I Do" ? Nahhhhh.
Ok, here goes....
1) I do follow Christ. I spend time learning about what He is like, and what He wants me to be like, and then I do my best to implement what I've learned. So this looks like: attending church, serving in various ministries, spending time in prayer, reading my Bible, participating in Bible studies, and reading books that spur me along in my spiritual growth.
2) I do believe in the importance of marriage, and consider mine to be a huge blessing, so I devote a fair amount of my time and thought into keeping mine and Nason's a good one. So this look likes: date nights, quality conversations, and "becoming a student of Nason" (learning what kinds of things make him feel most loved and appreciated, and then doing them).
3) I do take seriously the responsibility that is my son. I know that God is ultimately in control of the way our children turn out, BUT obviously, as parents, we have a huge opportunity to influence what kind of people they are going to become. I can think of no other job that is more important, or that I would rather do. So this looks like: making sure every second of our day is purposeful. Not necessarily planned and rigid and structured, but still purposeful. Purposeful to be having fun, making good memories, making sure Gunnar knows he is loved, and valued, and special. Purposeful to be teaching him the basic skills he'll need to know in life. Purposeful to make sure that we are building certain character qualities into him. Purposeful to make sure that in word, and in example, we are constantly pointing him to Jesus. Purposeful to make sure that he leaves our house one day knowing how to think for himself, and make wise decisions for himself. So I spend lots of time thinking through how to effectively accomplish all of those things, because they are all so important.
4) I do believe in the importance, and in the blessing, of a community of friends who are more like family than friends. So this looks like: spending lots and lots of time with them!!!! It may even look like drinking margaritas together, on our much-needed girls night outs. It also looks like anticipating each others needs, taking care of each others kids, and knowing just about everything that is going on in each others lives. By the way, I also do think it's an absolute joy and pleasure to hang out with my REAL family. I kind of lucked out with them, and pretty much have amazing parents, siblings, and in-laws (yes, it's true! Even the in-laws!)
5) I do pursue certain hobbies, even if they seem dumb and pointless, because I NEED time alone, and activities that are basically just all about me. So this looks like: blogging. reading. running. I'm feeling the need lately to add something else to this list. I need to learn a skill or something, I think. I've had Rosetta Stone Spanish software for an eternity now, so maybe that's what it will be. Maybe I'll start doing all of my blog entries in Spanish??
6) I do plan, organize, and create "systems" for things. I think this could potentially be a "hobby" in itself. I'm not too sure if there's anything else I like doing more than I like planning, organizing, making lists, coming up with systems and charts and ways of doing things. I definitely think I like the planning of things more than I like the actual implementation of things. Yes, I for sure do. So this looks like: making book-lists, having goal-planning days, chore charts, pages and pages of written out plans for everything from "How to Get Gunnar to Start Doing _______________" to "How to Quit Worrying", step-by-step instructions written out by me, on who knows what, calendar entries reminding me that it's "Pantry Cleaning Out" day, or "Gunnar's Bathroom Cabinet Cleaning Out Day", etc. Yeah, I may only implement these things I plan 60-70% of the time, but I can guarantee you that is 60-70% more often than I would be if I DIDN'T do all my planning. It works for me, and I enjoy it in and of itself, so it stays on the list of Things I Do.
8) I do make a big deal out of events. I think a big to-do SHOULD be made of milestones, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, vacations, etc. Why not?? Why not celebrate these things BIG? Life in between these events can look a lot of ways...often times good, of course, but sometimes hard, stressful, exhausting or mundane. Why not celebrate the good times in a memorable way? I felt like this before I had Gunnar, but I feel even more strongly about it now. I love the idea of making fun memories for him. I don't want his childhood to ONLY be about fun, but I want it to be a LOT about fun. For that matter, I want OUR live to be about fun sometimes, too. So this looks like: having big elaborate plans for just about every calendar event, and (of course) beginning the planning of those things weeks and months in advance. It's fun. I LOVE it. It's not stressful to me, at all. It's just pure fun, and I love it. Did I say that enough times? It's fun, and I love it.
I'm not the mom who comes to a playdate/church/vacation/day of running errands/etc with EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE THING Gunnar could ever possibly need or want while we're away from home. Seriously, I do well to leave the house with a few extra diapers. You simply will not catch me with a big shoulder bag, full of extra wipes, extra snacks, extra clothes, various toys, extra bandaids, extra first aid kit, extra towel, Kleenex...need I go on? I'm NOT making fun of the moms who have this. Seriously...I'm not. Lord knows, I'm constantly having to BORROW all those things from all of my other, better prepared, mom-friends. I wish I was that way...I'm sure THEY wish I was that way...I'm just not.
I don't brush my hair..ever...and I don't brush Gunnar's either. I also am really bad about trimming his fingernails, toe-nails, and other types of basic grooming that most moms do. He does get a bath, and he does get his teeth brushed, on a fairly regular basis, so that's good ; )
I'm not a thoughtful-in-a-creative-way kind of person. I love my family and my friends. I want to do thoughtful things for them. I want to help them when they need help. I just need to be told what it is that they want/need done. I probably am never going to anticipate that the thing that you most need to make you feel better, is just for someone to show up on your front porch with a cupcake. My friend Beth is more that person. I MAY (maybe) think of the cupcake idea, but then I would overanalyze it ("maybe it would be annoying to them if I just randomly showed up without calling first. Maybe they would think that it was weird that I drove all this way to bring them a cupcake. Maybe the cupcake will totally screw up the diet that they're on, and they will wish I'd never brought it to them. Maybe they would rather that I brought them dinner, and not a cupcake"), and end up just not doing it at all. So thoughtful-in-a-creative way, I'm not, but I'd like to think that I am still thoughtful. Call me and TELL me that you want a cupcake, and I'll drop everything and be there in five minutes with it.
I'm not a good small-talker, and I'm not a good one-on-one, deep conversation, talker. I'm a GREAT small-group-of-people talker. By the way, my two worst social situation nighmares:
1) Parties or LARGE group gatherings, where I don't know many people well, and I am forced to "mingle". I despise mingling. I even kind of hate in church when they tell you greet the people near you. I'm ok shaking your hand, but please, let's not make small talk. Neither of us is going to remember what in the world the other person said anyway, in our 30 second conversation.
2) Being alone with just one other person. There is NO escape if conversation starts to dwindle!! All the pressure is on you, to keep it going. There is no where else to look, but into the other person's eyes. It's downright uncomfortable.
I LOVE groups though. Let's say 3-8 people or so. Conversationally, I thrive in that environment. You probably can't get me to shut up in that situation. There's a good number of people to talk to. Lots of different topics and opinions get brought up. You can get some good, deep discussion going on, far beyond the realm of "small talk", and yet it's not QUITE as intimate as one-on-one.
I'm not a good decorator! I hate this one, because I think I've fooled myself into thinking I am for a long time. I feel like I SHOULD be...my mom is awesome at decorating, my grandma is awesome at it too. For a lot of years, especially in the early years of our marriage, I always assumed that I WAS a good decorator, but because we were newly married, and poor, and didn't have money to spend on home decor and furniture, that I just wasn't able to USE my decorating "skills" to buy the things that would make our house look awesome. Yeah, that was a lie. Because now we ARE able to buy that kind of thing, and I still have no idea whatsoever about what would look good. Oh, I have good taste I think. I could look at a picture of a living room or dining room, go buy everything to duplicate it exactly, and I'm pretty sure most people who saw it would agree with my taste, and like how it turned out. But when it comes to piecing together a room on my own...having a vision, going and finding things to turn a room INTO that vision, arranging it all, maybe even being crafty and creative and MAKING a few things to add to the mix...I'm awful. I need help. Someone (Michelle? Mom?) please help me!
I'm not overly touch-feely. It kind of weirds me out a bit, to have to hug you. I'm the total opposite with Gunnar, whose head/face/hands I kiss every five seconds or so. I'm pretty fine with public displays of affection with Nason, too. Everyone else though...a wave or a handshake will do just fine. Know that on the inside, I'm mentally hugging you :)
Well that was awfully long, but I've gotta say...it was kind of fun! Plus, I'm at the beach, Gunnar is taking a marathon nap, (so is Nason), and my in-laws have mysteriously vanished,and I've already gotten all the sun I can handle for one day, so what else was I to do??
Ok, here goes....
Things I Do
(by the way, these are not necessarily things I do WELL...they're just things that I definitely DO believe are worthy of, and/or I enjoy enough, to dedicate my life to, spend my time on, and joyfully allow to be the focus of each day.)
1) I do follow Christ. I spend time learning about what He is like, and what He wants me to be like, and then I do my best to implement what I've learned. So this looks like: attending church, serving in various ministries, spending time in prayer, reading my Bible, participating in Bible studies, and reading books that spur me along in my spiritual growth.
2) I do believe in the importance of marriage, and consider mine to be a huge blessing, so I devote a fair amount of my time and thought into keeping mine and Nason's a good one. So this look likes: date nights, quality conversations, and "becoming a student of Nason" (learning what kinds of things make him feel most loved and appreciated, and then doing them).
3) I do take seriously the responsibility that is my son. I know that God is ultimately in control of the way our children turn out, BUT obviously, as parents, we have a huge opportunity to influence what kind of people they are going to become. I can think of no other job that is more important, or that I would rather do. So this looks like: making sure every second of our day is purposeful. Not necessarily planned and rigid and structured, but still purposeful. Purposeful to be having fun, making good memories, making sure Gunnar knows he is loved, and valued, and special. Purposeful to be teaching him the basic skills he'll need to know in life. Purposeful to make sure that we are building certain character qualities into him. Purposeful to make sure that in word, and in example, we are constantly pointing him to Jesus. Purposeful to make sure that he leaves our house one day knowing how to think for himself, and make wise decisions for himself. So I spend lots of time thinking through how to effectively accomplish all of those things, because they are all so important.
4) I do believe in the importance, and in the blessing, of a community of friends who are more like family than friends. So this looks like: spending lots and lots of time with them!!!! It may even look like drinking margaritas together, on our much-needed girls night outs. It also looks like anticipating each others needs, taking care of each others kids, and knowing just about everything that is going on in each others lives. By the way, I also do think it's an absolute joy and pleasure to hang out with my REAL family. I kind of lucked out with them, and pretty much have amazing parents, siblings, and in-laws (yes, it's true! Even the in-laws!)
5) I do pursue certain hobbies, even if they seem dumb and pointless, because I NEED time alone, and activities that are basically just all about me. So this looks like: blogging. reading. running. I'm feeling the need lately to add something else to this list. I need to learn a skill or something, I think. I've had Rosetta Stone Spanish software for an eternity now, so maybe that's what it will be. Maybe I'll start doing all of my blog entries in Spanish??
6) I do plan, organize, and create "systems" for things. I think this could potentially be a "hobby" in itself. I'm not too sure if there's anything else I like doing more than I like planning, organizing, making lists, coming up with systems and charts and ways of doing things. I definitely think I like the planning of things more than I like the actual implementation of things. Yes, I for sure do. So this looks like: making book-lists, having goal-planning days, chore charts, pages and pages of written out plans for everything from "How to Get Gunnar to Start Doing _______________" to "How to Quit Worrying", step-by-step instructions written out by me, on who knows what, calendar entries reminding me that it's "Pantry Cleaning Out" day, or "Gunnar's Bathroom Cabinet Cleaning Out Day", etc. Yeah, I may only implement these things I plan 60-70% of the time, but I can guarantee you that is 60-70% more often than I would be if I DIDN'T do all my planning. It works for me, and I enjoy it in and of itself, so it stays on the list of Things I Do.
8) I do make a big deal out of events. I think a big to-do SHOULD be made of milestones, holidays, anniversaries, birthdays, vacations, etc. Why not?? Why not celebrate these things BIG? Life in between these events can look a lot of ways...often times good, of course, but sometimes hard, stressful, exhausting or mundane. Why not celebrate the good times in a memorable way? I felt like this before I had Gunnar, but I feel even more strongly about it now. I love the idea of making fun memories for him. I don't want his childhood to ONLY be about fun, but I want it to be a LOT about fun. For that matter, I want OUR live to be about fun sometimes, too. So this looks like: having big elaborate plans for just about every calendar event, and (of course) beginning the planning of those things weeks and months in advance. It's fun. I LOVE it. It's not stressful to me, at all. It's just pure fun, and I love it. Did I say that enough times? It's fun, and I love it.
Things I Don't Do
(I can already tell, just as Shauna Niequist...author who originally inspired this list...said, this is going to be so freeing! These are all the things I simply don't do, so why even try, or pretend like I do??)
I'm not the mom who comes to a playdate/church/vacation/day of running errands/etc with EVERY SINGLE POSSIBLE THING Gunnar could ever possibly need or want while we're away from home. Seriously, I do well to leave the house with a few extra diapers. You simply will not catch me with a big shoulder bag, full of extra wipes, extra snacks, extra clothes, various toys, extra bandaids, extra first aid kit, extra towel, Kleenex...need I go on? I'm NOT making fun of the moms who have this. Seriously...I'm not. Lord knows, I'm constantly having to BORROW all those things from all of my other, better prepared, mom-friends. I wish I was that way...I'm sure THEY wish I was that way...I'm just not.
I don't brush my hair..ever...and I don't brush Gunnar's either. I also am really bad about trimming his fingernails, toe-nails, and other types of basic grooming that most moms do. He does get a bath, and he does get his teeth brushed, on a fairly regular basis, so that's good ; )
I'm not a thoughtful-in-a-creative-way kind of person. I love my family and my friends. I want to do thoughtful things for them. I want to help them when they need help. I just need to be told what it is that they want/need done. I probably am never going to anticipate that the thing that you most need to make you feel better, is just for someone to show up on your front porch with a cupcake. My friend Beth is more that person. I MAY (maybe) think of the cupcake idea, but then I would overanalyze it ("maybe it would be annoying to them if I just randomly showed up without calling first. Maybe they would think that it was weird that I drove all this way to bring them a cupcake. Maybe the cupcake will totally screw up the diet that they're on, and they will wish I'd never brought it to them. Maybe they would rather that I brought them dinner, and not a cupcake"), and end up just not doing it at all. So thoughtful-in-a-creative way, I'm not, but I'd like to think that I am still thoughtful. Call me and TELL me that you want a cupcake, and I'll drop everything and be there in five minutes with it.
I'm not a good small-talker, and I'm not a good one-on-one, deep conversation, talker. I'm a GREAT small-group-of-people talker. By the way, my two worst social situation nighmares:
1) Parties or LARGE group gatherings, where I don't know many people well, and I am forced to "mingle". I despise mingling. I even kind of hate in church when they tell you greet the people near you. I'm ok shaking your hand, but please, let's not make small talk. Neither of us is going to remember what in the world the other person said anyway, in our 30 second conversation.
2) Being alone with just one other person. There is NO escape if conversation starts to dwindle!! All the pressure is on you, to keep it going. There is no where else to look, but into the other person's eyes. It's downright uncomfortable.
I LOVE groups though. Let's say 3-8 people or so. Conversationally, I thrive in that environment. You probably can't get me to shut up in that situation. There's a good number of people to talk to. Lots of different topics and opinions get brought up. You can get some good, deep discussion going on, far beyond the realm of "small talk", and yet it's not QUITE as intimate as one-on-one.
I'm not a good decorator! I hate this one, because I think I've fooled myself into thinking I am for a long time. I feel like I SHOULD be...my mom is awesome at decorating, my grandma is awesome at it too. For a lot of years, especially in the early years of our marriage, I always assumed that I WAS a good decorator, but because we were newly married, and poor, and didn't have money to spend on home decor and furniture, that I just wasn't able to USE my decorating "skills" to buy the things that would make our house look awesome. Yeah, that was a lie. Because now we ARE able to buy that kind of thing, and I still have no idea whatsoever about what would look good. Oh, I have good taste I think. I could look at a picture of a living room or dining room, go buy everything to duplicate it exactly, and I'm pretty sure most people who saw it would agree with my taste, and like how it turned out. But when it comes to piecing together a room on my own...having a vision, going and finding things to turn a room INTO that vision, arranging it all, maybe even being crafty and creative and MAKING a few things to add to the mix...I'm awful. I need help. Someone (Michelle? Mom?) please help me!
I'm not overly touch-feely. It kind of weirds me out a bit, to have to hug you. I'm the total opposite with Gunnar, whose head/face/hands I kiss every five seconds or so. I'm pretty fine with public displays of affection with Nason, too. Everyone else though...a wave or a handshake will do just fine. Know that on the inside, I'm mentally hugging you :)
Well that was awfully long, but I've gotta say...it was kind of fun! Plus, I'm at the beach, Gunnar is taking a marathon nap, (so is Nason), and my in-laws have mysteriously vanished,and I've already gotten all the sun I can handle for one day, so what else was I to do??
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Weekly (and a half) Musings
My infamous "Worry Problem"....
Is rearing it's ugly head a bit. No need to list out the various, non-sensical things that plague my mind as of late, because, well...because they're non-sensical, unfounded, and basically make me seem a bit crazy. I'm trucking along just fine, though. I read this verse the other day:
"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because he cares for You" (1 Peter 5:7).
]
Did you know that one synonym for "cast" is "hurl"? So the verse says to HURL your anxieties at God. So that's what I've been striving to do. As soon as a worrisome, anxious thought hits my brain, I just instantly "hurl" it at God, and let Him handle it. This arrangement seems to be working out pretty well for us (me and God, that is) :)
Aerobics Classes....
I used to be an Aerobics Class Queen. In high school, I would go to step aerobics classes with my mom, and, at the risk of tooting my horn, we were AWESOME at it. We were! Don't you go thinking that step aerobics just means that you step up and down over and over again on a bench. There's actually a lot of choreography and coordination involved. Yeah, I'm bragging, because it's probably the ONLY thing I've EVER been coordinated at in my life. Anyway, I think step aerobics must be a thing of the past, as most gyms (or mine anyway) offer very few step classes. I do miss doing aerobics classes though, so last week, for the first time in practically a DECADE, I went to a class at my gym. Body Pump, actually. It wasn't step, but man oh man was it a good workout! I loved switching gears a bit from all the running I've been focusing on lately.
Learning Activities....
All last year, I was SOOOOO on the ball, as far as doing learning activities with Gunnar. We had designated time EVERY day (only like 15-20 minutes, lest you think I'm some sort of drill sergeant for toddlers), where we worked on activities that I had planned out AHEAD OF TIME, that had a learning component involved. We had Letters of the Week, Words of the Week, Colors of the Week, etc etc etc. I had been SO lazy about it this year, though. The year got off to a good start...in January, I even sat down and went ahead and planned out a "curriculum" for the entire year. Themes for each month, activities that went along with each theme, "field trips", even! I planned it all...but we've done none of it! Until last week. We finally got our rears in gear, and we are back on the saddle. We have a "nature" theme going, and Gunnar seems to like it so far.
Wednesday Night...
Was Girl's Night, for the four girls who make up my small group from church. We obviously see each a lot, between our small group meeting, various playdates, get-togethers WITH our husbands, etc, but this was the FIRST time we've ever gone out just the four of us. It was awesome, and I think we all found out some things about each other that we didn't know before (Kelly, I'm mostly referring to you, and a certain quest that you are on, to "find" a certain something).
Easter...
Will have it's own post :)
Is rearing it's ugly head a bit. No need to list out the various, non-sensical things that plague my mind as of late, because, well...because they're non-sensical, unfounded, and basically make me seem a bit crazy. I'm trucking along just fine, though. I read this verse the other day:
"Cast all your anxiety on Him, because he cares for You" (1 Peter 5:7).
]
Did you know that one synonym for "cast" is "hurl"? So the verse says to HURL your anxieties at God. So that's what I've been striving to do. As soon as a worrisome, anxious thought hits my brain, I just instantly "hurl" it at God, and let Him handle it. This arrangement seems to be working out pretty well for us (me and God, that is) :)
Aerobics Classes....
I used to be an Aerobics Class Queen. In high school, I would go to step aerobics classes with my mom, and, at the risk of tooting my horn, we were AWESOME at it. We were! Don't you go thinking that step aerobics just means that you step up and down over and over again on a bench. There's actually a lot of choreography and coordination involved. Yeah, I'm bragging, because it's probably the ONLY thing I've EVER been coordinated at in my life. Anyway, I think step aerobics must be a thing of the past, as most gyms (or mine anyway) offer very few step classes. I do miss doing aerobics classes though, so last week, for the first time in practically a DECADE, I went to a class at my gym. Body Pump, actually. It wasn't step, but man oh man was it a good workout! I loved switching gears a bit from all the running I've been focusing on lately.
Learning Activities....
All last year, I was SOOOOO on the ball, as far as doing learning activities with Gunnar. We had designated time EVERY day (only like 15-20 minutes, lest you think I'm some sort of drill sergeant for toddlers), where we worked on activities that I had planned out AHEAD OF TIME, that had a learning component involved. We had Letters of the Week, Words of the Week, Colors of the Week, etc etc etc. I had been SO lazy about it this year, though. The year got off to a good start...in January, I even sat down and went ahead and planned out a "curriculum" for the entire year. Themes for each month, activities that went along with each theme, "field trips", even! I planned it all...but we've done none of it! Until last week. We finally got our rears in gear, and we are back on the saddle. We have a "nature" theme going, and Gunnar seems to like it so far.
Wednesday Night...
Was Girl's Night, for the four girls who make up my small group from church. We obviously see each a lot, between our small group meeting, various playdates, get-togethers WITH our husbands, etc, but this was the FIRST time we've ever gone out just the four of us. It was awesome, and I think we all found out some things about each other that we didn't know before (Kelly, I'm mostly referring to you, and a certain quest that you are on, to "find" a certain something).
Easter...
Will have it's own post :)
Love and Logic
Have you been wondering why I didn't post a "Love and Logic" post last week? Oh...you haven't been wondering? Bummer. Well anyway, here are tidbits from last week!
1) "Love and Logic parents always ask questions, and always offer choices. They don't tell their kids what to do, but they put the burden of decision making on their shoulders"
Ok, this one kind of rubs me the wrong way a tiny bit. I think I TOTALLY have the right to "tell Gunnar what to do". Let's not get ridiculous, now. I AM after all his mother. He IS after all only two. I do get what they're saying with this, though. Although certainly there are (many) times where I flat out just have to tell Gunnar what to do, I see the validity in giving him choices whenever possible, and encouraging him from an early age to get into the practice of thinking through things for himself.
2) "Love and Logic parents insist on respect and obedience, just as command-oriented parents do. But when love and logic parents talk to their children, they take a different approach. Instead of the "fighting words" of command-oriented parents, they use thinking words. Thinking words, used in question form, place the responsibility for thinking and decision making on the children. They help kids do exactly what we want them to do-think. As much as possible.
3) Example of the above:
" Child, would you like to play nicely in front of the television, or be noisy in your room?"
4) "The difference between thinking words and fighting words may be subtle-after all, the limit placed in each case is the same-but the child's reaction is usually different.
5) "Anytime we usurp more control (I like the word "usurp", by the way), it means they have less control. They exert themselves to regain the control they see slipping away.
1) "Love and Logic parents always ask questions, and always offer choices. They don't tell their kids what to do, but they put the burden of decision making on their shoulders"
Ok, this one kind of rubs me the wrong way a tiny bit. I think I TOTALLY have the right to "tell Gunnar what to do". Let's not get ridiculous, now. I AM after all his mother. He IS after all only two. I do get what they're saying with this, though. Although certainly there are (many) times where I flat out just have to tell Gunnar what to do, I see the validity in giving him choices whenever possible, and encouraging him from an early age to get into the practice of thinking through things for himself.
2) "Love and Logic parents insist on respect and obedience, just as command-oriented parents do. But when love and logic parents talk to their children, they take a different approach. Instead of the "fighting words" of command-oriented parents, they use thinking words. Thinking words, used in question form, place the responsibility for thinking and decision making on the children. They help kids do exactly what we want them to do-think. As much as possible.
3) Example of the above:
" Child, would you like to play nicely in front of the television, or be noisy in your room?"
4) "The difference between thinking words and fighting words may be subtle-after all, the limit placed in each case is the same-but the child's reaction is usually different.
5) "Anytime we usurp more control (I like the word "usurp", by the way), it means they have less control. They exert themselves to regain the control they see slipping away.
Monday, April 2, 2012
Things I Don't Do (Or, "Things Shauna Doesn't Do")
I used to be in a bookclub. In fact, I used to be the FOUNDER of a bookclub. La di da, huh? If you weren't already unimpressed enough, I should go ahead and add that at least 60% of the members of this bookclub I founded, were members of my own family :)
Anyway, it was a lot of fun, and we read a lot of good books together, but one in particular that we read was "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist. Have you read it? I absolutely love it. I'm not usually a big fan of books consisting of short stories, or "essays", but that is what this book was, and like I said, I LOVED, LOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEED it. It was hard to decide if I wanted to BE the author, or be best friends with her. She's awesome, though. Oh, and I practically AM best friends with her now, because our bookclub actually obtained her phone number, called her, and was able to talk to her on speaker phone during one of our meetings. (We're not stalkers...she offered it up on her blog, and mentioned that she was available to speak to bookclubs). Her website and blog are really fun. Check her out here.
So besides "Cold Tangerines", she's also the author of a book called "Bittersweet". This is ANOTHER favorite of mine. I'm serious, ya'll. You should read both of them. If you do, and don't like them, well...I'm just not sure I can still be your friend. Kidding. I'd be super interested about what you DIDN'T like about them though.
ANYWAY...
In one of the chapters of "Bittersweet", she talks about the challenge of trying to do it all, and be it all, and be everything to everyone, and achieve your own personal idea of "perfection"...and then falling miserably short. Then, she talks about how a wise friend once told her:
"it’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about."
SO THEN....
She came up with a list of, "Things I Do", and "Things I Don't Do".
The "Things I Do" list is basically a list of things that are her priorities in life...things she daily focuses on.
Important as that list is, she claims that the "Things I Don't Do" list is even more pivotal. As she puts it,
" I’ve discovered that the list sets me free. I have it written in black and white, sitting on my desk, and when I’m tempted to go rogue and bake muffins because all the other moms do, I come back to both lists, and I remind myself about the important things: that time is finite, as is energy. And that one day I’ll stand before God and account for what I did with my life. There is work that is only mine to do: a child that is ours to raise, stories that are mine to tell, friends that are mine to walk with. The grandest seduction of all is the myth that DOING EVERYTHING BETTER gets us where we want to be. It gets us somewhere, certainly, but not anywhere worth being."
click on the link below to read the whole excerpt from "Bittersweet"
http://www.lynnehybels.com/article_things.asp
Having Said All That...
I read that a year ago, and ever since then, I've wanted to make my own "Things I Do" list, and "Things I Don't Do List".
I think that will be my next blog post.......
Anyway, it was a lot of fun, and we read a lot of good books together, but one in particular that we read was "Cold Tangerines" by Shauna Niequist. Have you read it? I absolutely love it. I'm not usually a big fan of books consisting of short stories, or "essays", but that is what this book was, and like I said, I LOVED, LOOOOOVVVVVVVEEEEED it. It was hard to decide if I wanted to BE the author, or be best friends with her. She's awesome, though. Oh, and I practically AM best friends with her now, because our bookclub actually obtained her phone number, called her, and was able to talk to her on speaker phone during one of our meetings. (We're not stalkers...she offered it up on her blog, and mentioned that she was available to speak to bookclubs). Her website and blog are really fun. Check her out here.
So besides "Cold Tangerines", she's also the author of a book called "Bittersweet". This is ANOTHER favorite of mine. I'm serious, ya'll. You should read both of them. If you do, and don't like them, well...I'm just not sure I can still be your friend. Kidding. I'd be super interested about what you DIDN'T like about them though.
ANYWAY...
In one of the chapters of "Bittersweet", she talks about the challenge of trying to do it all, and be it all, and be everything to everyone, and achieve your own personal idea of "perfection"...and then falling miserably short. Then, she talks about how a wise friend once told her:
"it’s not hard to decide what you want your life to be about. What’s hard, she said, is figuring out what you’re willing to give up in order to do the things you really care about."
SO THEN....
She came up with a list of, "Things I Do", and "Things I Don't Do".
The "Things I Do" list is basically a list of things that are her priorities in life...things she daily focuses on.
Important as that list is, she claims that the "Things I Don't Do" list is even more pivotal. As she puts it,
" I’ve discovered that the list sets me free. I have it written in black and white, sitting on my desk, and when I’m tempted to go rogue and bake muffins because all the other moms do, I come back to both lists, and I remind myself about the important things: that time is finite, as is energy. And that one day I’ll stand before God and account for what I did with my life. There is work that is only mine to do: a child that is ours to raise, stories that are mine to tell, friends that are mine to walk with. The grandest seduction of all is the myth that DOING EVERYTHING BETTER gets us where we want to be. It gets us somewhere, certainly, but not anywhere worth being."
click on the link below to read the whole excerpt from "Bittersweet"
http://www.lynnehybels.com/article_things.asp
Having Said All That...
I read that a year ago, and ever since then, I've wanted to make my own "Things I Do" list, and "Things I Don't Do List".
I think that will be my next blog post.......
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Weekly Musings
These two things...
make me feel very happy and spring-like. I bought them on Sunday, and I've used the candle every day, and I think worn the necklace every day too. I'm pretty sure the necklace does NOT match at least half of the things I wore it with, but like I said..it makes me feel spring-like, and I'm in the mood to feel spring-like.
I failed...
So big...so majorly...in my parenting this week. As you well know, I've been ALL about "Love and Logic" lately, and ALL about letting Gunnar experience the consequences of his choices, etc etc etc. Now I know I'm not going to be a perfect parent, and I know just because I'm reading the book, and trying really hard to implement what I'm learning, doesn't mean I'm going to implement it 100% of the time. I know I should give myself some grace, but.....Gunnar and I had an incident occur at Target that, had I witnessed another mother doing what I did, I would (shamefully) have instantly judged her, and in my head thought "she needs to go read a good parenting book, because she clearly doesn't know what she's doing". So every time we go to Target (which is OFTEN) Gunnar asks to go look at "Cars" stuff and "Toy Story" stuff. Not to buy, just to look. I always let him, and I always tell him "five minutes of looking, and that's all". He's usually good with that arrangement. This week, we started with the Cars stuff, and the plan was to move on to the Toy Story stuff a few minutes later. After browsing on the Cars aisle for a few minutes, I told him it was time to move on, if he wanted to have time to look at the next aisle, too. He pitched a fit. As in, went absolutely crazy. Ape s**t, if you will. I've never seen the likes of it, and judging by how other people were looking at me, neither had they. So, I calmly told him, because of the way he was acting, we would not be able to look at Toy Story stuff, and would instead have to leave. He then moved up a level from "crazy" to "demon-possessed". I stuck to my guns. We left the toy section, and worked our way towards the checkout. I had willpower like you've never seen. People probably thought I was kidnapping him or something, based on his rageful roars and freakish screams, but I didn't care. I was not backing down. And I didn't...for about three minutes. Then, I pulled our cart over, asked him to please calm down, and...........(covering my face in shame as I write this) told him that if he did, we could go back and look at the Toy Story stuff. What?!????!????!???? Who AM I? Surely not the girl that has been touting the merits of "Love and Logic" for months now. Surely not the girl who sometimes secretly feels so high and mighty when witnessing other moms be so "weak", while all the while vowing NEVER to do the same. Ugggggggggghhhhhhhh. Ok, so i think I needed that dose of humility, so maybe it was a good thing. I SWEAR it's not going to happen again any time soon, though.
Vegan...
I KIND of am, again. Seriously, "kind of". I had the distinct UNpleasure of viewing some VERY NON-flattering pictures of me from the Capitol 10K last weekend (pictures that not a SOUL will ever see, unless my dad breaks his promise to me, and decides to go public with them, in which case I may disown myself from him). These pictures made me aware that I SERIOUSLY just cannot allow myself to eat the way I've been eating since December. The "way" being anything and everything in my sight, in portion sizes only suitable for someone in some sort of eating competition. I've learned that I absolutely need to set boundaries of some sort for myself...if I just say, "I'm going to try to eat better", but don't define what "better" means, I tend to just run wild with it (in a bad way). So, I'm allowing myself SEVEN non-vegan meals a week, and the rest of the time, it's vegan. So I could do one non-vegan meal every day, or save them all up for the weekend, or whatever I want. "Flexibility within set boundaries." That's my philosophy for just about everything. So...this week went pretty well, AND I lost 3 pounds! I think I'm going to do another blog post with some vegan recipes that I've found to actually be REALLY good. Not just tolerable, not just a hair above disgusting, but actually good. Because believe it or not...I've actually found a few.
Georgetown Easter Egg Hunt...
(Good pictures, Lance. You might should consider being a photographer on the side)......
make me feel very happy and spring-like. I bought them on Sunday, and I've used the candle every day, and I think worn the necklace every day too. I'm pretty sure the necklace does NOT match at least half of the things I wore it with, but like I said..it makes me feel spring-like, and I'm in the mood to feel spring-like.
I failed...
So big...so majorly...in my parenting this week. As you well know, I've been ALL about "Love and Logic" lately, and ALL about letting Gunnar experience the consequences of his choices, etc etc etc. Now I know I'm not going to be a perfect parent, and I know just because I'm reading the book, and trying really hard to implement what I'm learning, doesn't mean I'm going to implement it 100% of the time. I know I should give myself some grace, but.....Gunnar and I had an incident occur at Target that, had I witnessed another mother doing what I did, I would (shamefully) have instantly judged her, and in my head thought "she needs to go read a good parenting book, because she clearly doesn't know what she's doing". So every time we go to Target (which is OFTEN) Gunnar asks to go look at "Cars" stuff and "Toy Story" stuff. Not to buy, just to look. I always let him, and I always tell him "five minutes of looking, and that's all". He's usually good with that arrangement. This week, we started with the Cars stuff, and the plan was to move on to the Toy Story stuff a few minutes later. After browsing on the Cars aisle for a few minutes, I told him it was time to move on, if he wanted to have time to look at the next aisle, too. He pitched a fit. As in, went absolutely crazy. Ape s**t, if you will. I've never seen the likes of it, and judging by how other people were looking at me, neither had they. So, I calmly told him, because of the way he was acting, we would not be able to look at Toy Story stuff, and would instead have to leave. He then moved up a level from "crazy" to "demon-possessed". I stuck to my guns. We left the toy section, and worked our way towards the checkout. I had willpower like you've never seen. People probably thought I was kidnapping him or something, based on his rageful roars and freakish screams, but I didn't care. I was not backing down. And I didn't...for about three minutes. Then, I pulled our cart over, asked him to please calm down, and...........(covering my face in shame as I write this) told him that if he did, we could go back and look at the Toy Story stuff. What?!????!????!???? Who AM I? Surely not the girl that has been touting the merits of "Love and Logic" for months now. Surely not the girl who sometimes secretly feels so high and mighty when witnessing other moms be so "weak", while all the while vowing NEVER to do the same. Ugggggggggghhhhhhhh. Ok, so i think I needed that dose of humility, so maybe it was a good thing. I SWEAR it's not going to happen again any time soon, though.
Vegan...
I KIND of am, again. Seriously, "kind of". I had the distinct UNpleasure of viewing some VERY NON-flattering pictures of me from the Capitol 10K last weekend (pictures that not a SOUL will ever see, unless my dad breaks his promise to me, and decides to go public with them, in which case I may disown myself from him). These pictures made me aware that I SERIOUSLY just cannot allow myself to eat the way I've been eating since December. The "way" being anything and everything in my sight, in portion sizes only suitable for someone in some sort of eating competition. I've learned that I absolutely need to set boundaries of some sort for myself...if I just say, "I'm going to try to eat better", but don't define what "better" means, I tend to just run wild with it (in a bad way). So, I'm allowing myself SEVEN non-vegan meals a week, and the rest of the time, it's vegan. So I could do one non-vegan meal every day, or save them all up for the weekend, or whatever I want. "Flexibility within set boundaries." That's my philosophy for just about everything. So...this week went pretty well, AND I lost 3 pounds! I think I'm going to do another blog post with some vegan recipes that I've found to actually be REALLY good. Not just tolerable, not just a hair above disgusting, but actually good. Because believe it or not...I've actually found a few.
Georgetown Easter Egg Hunt...
(Good pictures, Lance. You might should consider being a photographer on the side)......
Love and Logic Tidbits
Since I'm the primary (ok, the only) reader of parenting books, Nason and I are making a point at our Monday night "meetings" to spend a little bit of time talking through some of the things I'm gleaning from the books I read (mostly just Love and Logic right now) to make sure that we stay on the same page with what we're implementing with Gunnar. So these weekly posts are really helping me out, by making it easy for me to look back and be able to hash out with Nason, the specific points we're trying to focus on. That being said, here were the things at the forefront of my mind this week:
1) "When our guilt or indecision moves us to step into our children's problems, we cater more to our own emotions, than to our children's needs. However, most kids want us to understand their feelings, not soothe our own emotional turmoil by offering them solutions"
2) "The more squishy and indecisive we are about our own boundaries [what we're willing to accept from our kids, and what we're not willing to accept], the more soggy and inconsistent we are about the limits we set for our toddlers".
Ugh. I can't think of too many more things I'd hate more to be characterized as than "squishy, indecisive, soggy, and inconsistent". And yet, maybe the reason I so hate those things, is because deep down, I know that often times those four words sum me up pretty well. In my parenting, and just in general. I have a super hard time making decisions lots of times, and I hate that about myself, and am constantly striving to NOT be that way, but often times, I still am.
3) "Kids seem most secure around parents who are strong, who don't allow the limits they place on their kids to crumble. Children lose respects for adults who set limits, but cannot make them stick. Kids who misbehave without having to face the consequences, become brats".
Love this book!!!!!!!
1) "When our guilt or indecision moves us to step into our children's problems, we cater more to our own emotions, than to our children's needs. However, most kids want us to understand their feelings, not soothe our own emotional turmoil by offering them solutions"
2) "The more squishy and indecisive we are about our own boundaries [what we're willing to accept from our kids, and what we're not willing to accept], the more soggy and inconsistent we are about the limits we set for our toddlers".
Ugh. I can't think of too many more things I'd hate more to be characterized as than "squishy, indecisive, soggy, and inconsistent". And yet, maybe the reason I so hate those things, is because deep down, I know that often times those four words sum me up pretty well. In my parenting, and just in general. I have a super hard time making decisions lots of times, and I hate that about myself, and am constantly striving to NOT be that way, but often times, I still am.
3) "Kids seem most secure around parents who are strong, who don't allow the limits they place on their kids to crumble. Children lose respects for adults who set limits, but cannot make them stick. Kids who misbehave without having to face the consequences, become brats".
Love this book!!!!!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
