God We Thank You

I have issues with saying the blessing at meal time.

I know this is such an unpopular opinion to have, but I just have to get this off my chest.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE (myself included, sometimes) SAY A "BLESSING" AT MEALTIME.

I'm not confused by the concept of being thankful that God gave us food.  I AM thankful that God gave me, and my family, food.  I really am.  Not just in a "yeah yeah yeah, I'm thankful God gave me food. Whatever" kind of way, but in a legitimate, "I get that there are lots of people who DON'T have food, and I get that it's ONLY by God's provision that I DO have food" kind of way.

But....

Saying the blessing to me seems like so much more of a formality, or an obligatory, or an "expected" thing to do.

Why, for example, do you not say the blessing when you drive through McDonalds and order a fry, or an ice cream?  Are you  not thankful for that?

How come, if you get hungry at work, and you munch on the granola bar that you brought, do you not close your eyes and say a blessing for that?  Didn't God make that granola bar available to you as well?

For that matter, why don't you say a "blessing" when you are at your gas pump?  Aren't you thankful that God gave you gas?  How about when you drink a bottle of water?  Thank GOD we have clean water to drink...seriously...but no one says a "blessing" for that.

If your toddler goes out in the backyard and has a popsicle, do you remind them to say the blessing first?  Or is it only if they're sitting at the table, that a blessing is "required"?  OR is the rule "only if it's a substantial meal, do you need to say the blessing first?".  Or is it like a "we say the blessing three times a day, no more no less" kind of thing?

One quick disclaimer...

We DO say the blessing with Gunnar, but that is because I feel like at two years old, any possible opportunity where I can make God real, and relevant, and practical to him, I'm going to take it.  I want him to understand that God is loving, that God provides for us, that every gift we have is from God, and I feel like when we thank God, our loud, for what's on our plate, it drives the point home to GUNNAR that God gave us our food.

But here's what annoys me....

I hate anything that people do, especially "spiritual" things, that they're ONLY doing because,

a) its just what you're "supposed" to do
b) it's what other people think you should do

when in reality, you personally, have no idea why you're doing it.  Its simply rote, routine, robotic.

Another disclaimer..

I DEFINITELY am guilty of doing this. I'm not calling anyone else out with this rant.  I'm calling myself out.  I do not always say the blessing before every meal, and I don't feel guilty about it.  I ALWAYS say it though, when I'm around other people who I know expect it.  In the pre-Gunnar days, Nason and I did NOT always say the blessing before every dinner, but you can bet your bottom dollar that if we had people over who we knew DID say the blessing before every meal, we'd FOR SURE be saying it that night.  Fake!!!!  Phony!!!!

I'm not opposed to saying a mealtime blessing.  I guess maybe it's a good way to ensure that, if nothing else, at least three times a day, you are reminding yourself of where your blessings come from.  I would just like to think that I could somehow maintain a thankful heart and attitude throughout the day without having to spew out a canned prayer, at designated times, whether my heart and mind truly were aligned with what I was saying or not.  I would like to think that my relationship with God is such that He and I are communicating ALL throughout the day, and that prayers of thankfulness are just intertwined throughout my regular conversations with Him.

But who knows?  I'm probably totally in the wrong here.

My blog posts are nothing more than my opinion, and the random thoughts that bounce around in my head.  They are definitely not meant to sway anyone else's opinion (well for sure this one isn't, anyway), and I'm sure they're often times totally off base.

I guess I could have added this to my "Things I Don't Do" list.

"I do not say the blessing at every mealtime" (except [disclaimer #1] with Gunnar and except [disclaimer #2] when I'm trying to impress people by how Godly I am])

No Idea What This Post Will End Up Being About

Nason is watching basketball with some friends.  I'm watching 90210 (yes, it's the guiltiest of all my guilty pleasures.  Any show that comes on the CW is a bit embarrasing, but this one is FOR SURE aimed at an audience much younger, and I'd like to think much DUMBER than me, and yet, I watch it.  I like it.  I love it). Anyway, I kind of feel like writing on my blog, as it's been a while since I've done so.  However, I don't really have a particular topic in mind to write about.  I figured I'd just start writing, and see if anything interesting came out.  If not, I'll just erase this, and no one will ever see it anyway.  Or, you may be reading this wondering, "Why in the world didn't she just erase this.  Clearly nothing interesting ever came out"

I haven't done a "weekly update" in a while, and I don't really think that's what I'm in the mood to write about right now.  If I WERE going to do one, our week basically looked like: getting our house painted, hanging with friends, an impromptu family date to Chuy's, one lazy morning at home, an evening spent in the Losurdo's backyard, Gunnar's ear tubes, an impromptu family breakfast at Kerby Lane, women's bible study, hanging with Baby Josie and Fam, Chuy's once again. But yeah...I don't really feel like writing about our week.

I've read two really good books lately:

Both are REALLY good.  At least I thought so.  If you are a HUGE, die-hard Obama fan, and/or don't have a sense of humor, I don't recommend The Obama Diaries.  If you have horrible taste in books, I don't recommend In The Woods.  Seriously, that's the only way you could NOT like it.  Up next on my book list, to be started tomorrow, is Mere Christianity.  I've read it before, but it was a lot of years ago.  Its kind of a "thinking" book, but after zoning out for the last hour to 90210, I think my brain is going to need some use again, by tomorrow.



I totally (well, almost totally) lost interest in American Idol this season, BUT there was one redeeming factor for me:  Philip Phillips.  I seriously love this guy.  If I was 21, and not married, I may have an itsy bitsy "American Idol Crush" on him.  But I'm not and I am, so I don't.  Anyway, me, Nason, AND Gunnar ALL loved this performance:



Gunnar insisted on getting his guitar out, sitting on the living room floor, and singing along with him.   Over and over and over.  Seriously wish I had a video of THAT, but I don't.



We started a new sermon series at church that I'm really excited about.  It's called "Ecclesiastes: The Search For Meaning".  Last week was the first week, and we basically discussed how ironic (dumb)it is that we spend so much time spinning our wheels, exerting mental and physical energy, time, money, and resources, in an attempt to make THIS life significant, and specifically, make ourselves seem/feel significant, when really, this life is "but a vapor", compared to our life in eternity.  Two things Pastor Tim did during the sermon that I liked, and that really made me think:

1) He brought a bottle of bubbles up on the stage, and blew a few.  We watched the bubbles float across the stage for all of about 10 seconds, and then they popped.  He then compared that our lives.  Fun for a few minutes, and then over.

2) He asked us to try to think of our great great grandmothers name.  If you can come up with yours, then you are better than me, because I have no idea, and the assumption was that most of the people in the congregation couldn't either.  The point: when you're gone, not a lot of people even remember you. Even people in your own flippin' family!

Depressed yet?  That was kind of the point.  To come to terms with how INsignificant this life is, so that we can begin to understand that we were created for something SO MUCH bigger and better, and then begin to make our lives here be about THAT.

If you'd like to listen to/watch the sermon, you can go here:

http://mediaplayer.hcbc.com/sermon/monotony-1269



Nason and I are going on a vacation in June (I think).  I say "I think" because we've gone back and forth for months now, changing our mind a million times about if/when/where, so until we're actually in a plane, train, or car headed to our destination, I'm not getting my hopes super high.  However, we do have a date picked out, we do have a sitter secured, so I THINK it's pretty close to being official.  We CANNOT decide where to go, though!  We've considered everything from a "staycation" in downtown Austin (we love doing that), to Mexico, to Florida, to California, to New Orleans, to Vegas, to New York.  It really shouldn't be so hard.  The only components that we're looking for in a vacation are:

- a comfortable bed, where we can sleep late
- close proximity to at least one decent restaurant
- a pool, preferably one where people bring you drinks
- a comfortable place to sit/lay, while we read books all day long

If anyone has suggestions, feel free to send them my way!  Otherwise, we may just end up sending Gunnar to the grandparents, and staying HOME for four days.  After all, there's a comfortable bed that we could sleep late in, Chuy's nearby, a neighborhood pool (and maybe we could pay someone to bring us some drinks), and our own two recliners to sit and read books in all day.  We're not picky.

Well, that brings me to the end of this post, I think.  When it's all said and done, it ended up being pretty pointless and non-interesting, BUT I did give you some good book recommendations, I DID introduce you to the awesomeness that is Philip Phillips, and I DID link you to a potentially life-changing sermon, so I guess it's not a total wash.

I'm off to go kill a few more brain cells watching So You Think You Can Dance!

Why I Love Being Gunnar's Mama

In honor of Mother's Day yesterday, I wrote two blog posts dedicated to my two moms.  However, I am, after all, a mother myself, so I thought it only fitting that I also write something about myself as a mom.  Now I am obviously not going to write a post about what makes me a great mom, so instead, I am going to write something much better...why I LOVE being Gunnar's mom.

Top Ten Things I Love About Being Gunnar's Mom

1) I laugh...a lot....every single day.  A funnier little guy, there never was.  I'm telling you.

2) I love having something(one)  to love that much.  It's so true what everyone says...there is no love, like the love you have for your child.  

3) I love that we get to do so many fun things together.  Now, this quite possibly goes against all that a modern woman is supposed to be.  Perhaps it would make me seem smarter, edgier, more independent, more "real woman-ish" if what I WANTED to spend my time doing was climbing up a corporate ladder somewhere, but the truth of the matter is...I'd rather watch Gunnar climb up the ladder at the playground.  Truly.  It's not just that I feel like it's my JOB to stay home with Gunnar...it's just that I WANT to.  I LIKE going to Big Bounce, to the park, to playdates, to the sprinkler park.  I LIKE curling up on the couch with him to watch Alvin and the Chipmunks for the 50th time that week.  I LIKE playing cars with him on his playroom floor.  Ok, no, I actually don't like that one.  I have to admit...I kind of hate playing cars.  I don't ever know what to make them do, or what noises they're supposed to make.  How many times can you drive a car back and forth across the floor, and it still be fun? The answer for me is, "once".  The answer for Gunnar is "a million".  Anyway, you get my drift.  Being a mom is just plain fun.

4) I love getting to watch him grow and change.  It's amazing how fun it is to watch your kid master hitting a baseball, or going down the steep slide at the park, when you've seen a trillion other kids do the same thing before, and couldn't have really cared less about it.  When my Gunnar is the one doing it, it's the coolest thing I've ever seen before.

5) I love that he keeps me on my toes.  There are plenty of days when I might say that I dislike this aspect of him, but really, I love it.  I like that he's got spunk, and he's feisty, and energetic, and smart enough to be mischievous.  I like that he's somewhat of a challenge (a challenge that often times, I fail).  I LOVE that he is the single hugest exercise in patience I have EVER had in my life, and probably ever will have.

6) I love that by being Gunnar's mom, it means I get to watch Nason be Gunnar's dad....and he's awesome at it.  Really, really just amazing.  

7) I love that it took us a long time to get pregnant with him, and that when I finally did, I was SO SHOCKED that it had FINALLY happened, that I will never quit being amazed that we have him, and never quit being so thankful for him.  He is a good reminder, as we try for this second baby, that God's timing is perfect, and that His blessings are worth the wait.

8) I love how random he is with doling out love and affection...he doesn't necessarily give out a ton of hugs and kisses, or tell us "I love you" as often as I would like, but when he does, it's all on his own accord, and it's so spontaneous, that you know it's authentic, and it makes it even more special.

9) I love how smart he is, and how good he is at having conversation.  We spend lots and lots and lots of time talking during the day.  Sometimes, a bit too much for my liking, but at the end of every day...even when in the MIDST of that day, there were moments when all I wanted was for him to be quiet for two seconds... at the end of the day, my heart literally melts thinking back on all of the funny conversations we had, and crazy questions that he asked throughout the day.

10) I love seeing his smile.  Chipped tooth and all.  

Spotlight On....My Mama

An Ode To You, Mom

You're the one who gave birth to me

I believe the time was six-oh-three

What a glorious evening that must have been for you,

I'm sure you and dad were tired of it just being you two

A greater daughter I'm sure there's never been,

When you look at me, you must think, "what a win!!"

I kid, I kid. After all, this post is dedicated to YOU,

So let's begin to describe all the things that are wonderful about Linda Sue!!!

Well, this blog post is throwing me for a loop.  Not because I can't think of anything wonderful or sweet to say about my mom, but because:

a) I can think of too many things

b) I'm not one for a whole lot of mush and sap, but when it comes to my mom, and how much I love her, and what all makes her wonderful, it's kind of hard to NOT incorporate some mush and sap.  

So let the challenge begin.  Goal: communicate just how wonderful my mom is, without going OVERBOARD on the mush and sap.

Best Three Things About My Mom:

1) Her Selflessness

    My mom, without a doubt, puts EVERYONE'S needs and wants ahead of her own. Always.  If her kids are happy, she's happy.  If they're not, she's not. And she'll go to great lengths to make sure that we all always are.  

2) Her Helpfulness

    If my mom is with me, she's helping me, in some capacity.  ESPECIALLY now that I have Gunnar.  Most of the time, not only does she help me with things, but she helps me without me having to ask, and sometimes without me even be able to articulate what it is that would be helpful.  She just knows.  

3) She's An Enthusiastic Listener

    This one may sound weird, but it drives me nuts when you tell a story to someone, and you WANT them to really get into the story you're telling...excited, upset, amused, whatever it is you want them to feel with you......and they just stay kind of.....blah.  Well, maybe it's just because she's my mom, and therefore more interested in my tales than most people, but she always is (or at least always SEEMS) like she really cares about what I'm saying.

4) She's Really Pretty

    Ok, so what if this is shallow??  This bodes well for my future, right?  Assuming I have her genes, that is??

Top Ten Random Great Things About Growing Up With Her As My Mom:

1) Back when big, curled, sprayed bangs were awesome, I had the BEST bangs of everyone I knew.  My mom was an absolute pro at it.

2) A lot of times, when I'd come home from school (high school OR college), she'd have some cool little "treat" laid out on my bed, that she'd gotten me while I'd been gone.  Magazines, candy of some sort, a new outfit, etc.  

3) When I was in the hospital after having had my scoliosis surgery, and feeling and looking like crap, she shaved my legs for me, washed and blow dried my hair, and did my makeup, so that even if I felt like crap, at least I didn't have to look like it, too.

4) She makes the best chicken and rice recipe of all time.  It is literally to this day probably my favorite thing to eat.

5) Sometimes when she baby-sits for Gunnar at our house, I'll come home and randomly find my furniture dusted, my refrigerator cleaned out, or my floor swept.

6) She and I are just typically always on the same wavelength

7) She loved Nason, even before I did.  He used to come over to our house all the time with a bunch of other guys from high school, and she started buying his favorite candy for him, and keeping it in a bowl in our kitchen.  Who knows? Had it not been for her, I may not have even ended up with Nason! 

8) She actually saved my life when I was little.  I almost choked to death on a vitamin, and she fished it out of my throat, seconds before I died (that sounds so dramatic, but I swear it's true)

9) She taught me a lot about maintaining a clean, tidy household.  Now, my house doesn't even hold a candle to hers, in terms of being clean and tidy.  Hers may as well be a model home, and well, mine is a toddler home.  But, I do think most of the time I do a pretty decent job of keeping it pretty nice, and I know it's something Nason really appreciates, so I'm thankful to her for instilling that in me.

10) She introduced me to The Donna Reed Show, The Patty Duke Show, Beach Blanket Bingo, and of course...my beloved All My Children.  

You know what?  I just thought of one more thing.  I know it was supposed to be a Top Ten List, but this is a big one. One that I really appreciate, AND one that I want to strive to duplicate now that I'm a mom, too:

11) A lot of kids, especially when they get to middle school age, and ESPECIALLY high school age, don't really want to hang out with their parents anymore.  But I ALWAYS loved hanging out with my mom, and my parents in general, because I think they both did a really great job of creating fun memories with me, my brother, and my sister.  I don't have memories of just laying around the house being bored.  I have memories of constantly doing fun thing, and being on the go..festivals, picnics, checking out some new cool attraction or restaurant, getting snow cones and strolling around campus at the University of Florida (when we still lived in Florida) ROLLERBLADING AS A FAMILY (how dorky is that?? I loved it though.), and many other fun things.  That is a nod to BOTH of my parents, but I definitely think my mom had a big part to play in that.   

Well, neither of the above lists really did any justice to my mom, but they at least scratch the surface.  How about we try this?

Mom, 

I love you SO VERY VERY MUCH.  You are truly the best mom a girl could ever have.  The primary reason I hope to have a daughter of my own some day, is so that her and I can have a relationship like mine and yours.  Thanks for being my biggest supporter and fan.  Thanks for being such a great example to me of what a lady should be.  Thanks for sacrificing so much for me over the years.  Thanks for showing me how to be strong, in difficult circumstances. Thanks for giving me such a happy childhood. Thanks for being such a great mimi to my Butterton. He loves you SO much. Thanks for fishing that vitamin out of my throat all those years ago, so that I could grow up to HAVE a Butterton.  You are my third favorite person in all the world, and the other two are boys :)

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Spotlight On....My Mother In Law

Remember a while ago when I wrote this post about our friends the Looper's?  And I was all gung-ho about making that a regular feature on my blog (highlighting important people in our lives, and writing a post about them, that is?)  Well, I kind of dropped the ball on that.  I think maybe I must have had a lot more time on my hands back in February, when I promised that, than I do now.  However, I thought in honor of Mother's Day, I would write not just one, but TWO, "Spotlight On's"...one about my mother in law, one about my mom.  So.....let's start with my M.I.L.

Phyllis Hengst, "Ma" as I call her, has proven to be QUITE the awesome mother-in-law over the last 9 years of mine and Nason's marriage.  She is the mother-in-law that every girl wants.  She's also proven to be QUITE the awesome "grammy" over the last (almost) 3 years.  She is the grandmother that every kid wants.

Now, I will say,  it DID kind of take her a while to realize that I wasn't going anywhere.  She liked me just fine, I suppose, but she just wasn't a  huge fan of the whole "serious dating relationship while still in high school" thing.  She referred to me as Nason's "friend" literally until we were engaged, I'm pretty sure (Nason and I never could decide if we were amused or irritated by that).  However, a mom to a boy myself now, I have to say.....I get it.  Anyway, even back in those days, before she was 100% "Team Hayley", she was already kind of becoming like a second mom to me.  And now......she most CERTAINLY is like a second mom to me.  I seriously don't get, and can't even imagine, what it's like to have a mother-in-law that you either can't stand, or, at best, that you just politely tolerate.  Similarly to my own mom, my mother-in-law is TOTALLY one of my BEST friends.

So, what are some specific things that make her such a great mother-in-law?  Well, glad you asked, because I just happened to have composed a little list here.

1) She raised her son WELL.
    She (along with Nason's dad of course, but this "spotlight" isn't about him) taught Nason from an early age what it means to be a man.  She made SURE that he knew how to do things for himself.  She made sure that he understood the concept of, "if you want something, figure out a way to get it YOURSELF".  He learned how to EARN things, versus just being given a handout.  She made him garden with her when he was little, because "some day your wife may want to have pretty flowers in the yard, and you'll need to know how to do that for her" (well, ok, that one backfired.  She should have known it would when his six year old self apparently replied, "why couldn't she just plant her own flowers if she wants them?"  He seems to still operate under that mindset.  Ha ha).  I could go on and on, but bottom line: a son who is raised well, goes on to become a husband who leads his own family well, and for that, I am very grateful.

2) She constantly does thoughtful things for me
    Case in point: just this week alone, she volunteered, on her own accord, to come over and help me install knobs on all of our cabinets in our house, AND two day later, volunteered to not only go and get a zillion different plants/flowers/trees for our yard, but also help me plant them all.  I didn't even ask for those things!  Didn't even hint!  She just thought of it, offered it, and then gave up her own free time to come help me with it.  And these are not remarkable and isolated events...she does that kind of thing all the time!

3) She is so.incredibly.helpful with Gunnar
    It is really rare that we even have to ASK her if she can watch Gunnar for us, while we have a date night, etc.  She volunteers so often, that she beats us to it!  Also greatly appreciated: she has learned/observed/memorized all the various things he needs/uses/likes, and has made sure to stock her house with all of it, so that when we bring him over there, we pretty much don't have to pack anything.  It's so helpful, and it's so thoughtful, and we really really appreciate it.

4) She's fun!!!!
    She's a little bit crazy.  She really is.  Her and my mom refer to each other as "Pootie".  Long story, that I'm not going to go into here, but you have to have a little bit of crazy in you to willingly refer to yourself as "Pootie".  Have you ever read the book "Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood"?  She'd make a good Ya-Ya.

We've talked about this before (her and I), and our first memory of each other is this:

I was 16, Nason and I were just friends at that point (as we would remain for the next 6 years in her mind..ha ha), and Nason brought me, and my little sister (who for some reason was tagging along with me that day) over to his house, because he'd left something at home that he needed.  We pulled up, and she was working out in the yard.

I thought: She's so cute!  She's got a ponytail, and this cute little baseball cap on her head, and she's covered in dirt, and she kind of looks like a little girl that been's outside playing.

She thought: I've never seen such tiny little shorts before, as what those two girls have on!  This looks like trouble!!!

So....Ma.....15 years later....I'm glad that you were able to get past the short shorts, and the "Hi Mrs. Hengst, it's Hayley again. I'm sorry to wake you up/call for the 50th time tonight/etc" phone calls, and love me anyway.  It's so great having you as a mother-in-law, and I am so very thankful for you!!

Happy Mother's Day!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A Little Bit of This and a Little Bit of That...

We have been sooooooo busy lately.  Like seriously, seriously, busy.  Lots of the busy-ness is "fun busy", some of it is just "BUSY busy", some of it is "drudgery busy", but it's all busy, nonetheless.  What's more,  as I look at our calendar for the next two weeks, it seems to continue for as far as I can see!  Not complaining, because like I said, much of it has been fun and enjoyable stuff, BUT...I AM really craving a night at home, doing nothing other than taking my beloved bubble bath.  Anyway, in just a few words, here is what all we have been up to, AND what all is up ahead!

...I helped host Michelle/Baby Josie's shower at Chez Zee..

.....We went on vacation.....

.....Came home, struggled through one of my infamous "worry episodes" for a few days, started meeting with a lady from church who is going to start mentoring me (love her!), started a new bible study at church, went to a Vision Casting dessert for these lovely people, who are embarking upon this amazing adventure soon, and went to a baby shower for the beautiful people seen pictured below:

.....Attended our Mission 82:3 meeting..oh yeah, did I mention that Nason and I, along with four of our best friends, started up a non-profit organization called Mission 82:3, that helps families adopt?  Well, we did. I guess I need to write a blog post on that soon!!!!  I most definitely will. We are currently helping this family adopt a beautiful little girl from Haiti.  Aren't they just the cutest little family ever??

......Spent some time working on a gender-reveal party for my otha sistah Krista (ha ha), that is going to take place next week, and that I will DEFINITELY have to post some pictures of.  I am so so so so excited about it.  

.....Had an early birthday party celebration with these girls:

....Had a "Girls Night Part 2" at Chuy's (no pics, sorry)

.....Nason got a new assistant, who coincidentally happens to be.....my mom. 

Since Nason works from our house, so does she! Everyone keeps asking me "is it fun having your mom at your house every day?" or "is it weird having your mom at your house every day?" And...it's neither.  If it were going to be anything, it would be fun, because my mom and I are so close.  But...with Nason having worked from our house for so long, I've gotten used to pretending like people aren't at our house, when they really are.  What I mean is, I just tell myself that they're not, so I don't fall into the habit of thinking it's ok to go in the office and hang out with him/them, ask him/them to help me with stuff (Gunnar) etc.  So I just basically pretend no one is there, and we all carry on with business as usual.  

.......I had dye shot up my fallopian tubes, which is somehow supposed to make my likelihood for getting pregnant this month a lot higher, so you can all wait in nervous anticipation along with me, to see how that goes.  

.....Some other random things mixed in there, but that pretty much sums up the last few weeks.  

Upcoming Events in Our Life, That Are Sure To Be Blogged About:

- My birthday on Friday

- A "Messy" Party for Noah's Birthday

- A Girl's Night Out for my birthday Monday Night

- Jake and Krista's Gender Reveal Party!!!!!!! I am sooooooo excited!!!

- The last chapter/small group meeting for our Radical study.  Don't be surprised if we post some FB pics of us in the Sudan or something radical like that, sometime in the near future.  Just kidding.  Or not.  

- Gunnar's upcoming ENT appointment..the boy may be getting tubes : (

- A family...as in, our WHOLE family (parents, in-laws, siblings, the whole shabang) photo session with the very talented Andrea Foster

Stay tuned, guys.  The Gunnar Show has never been so exciting.  (Said with sarcasm).