Weekly Musings....

Monday...was the only day of this entire week I didn't feel sick.  On Tuesday, I came down with the WEIRDEST virus. It was weird, because first of all, I would be super sick for a few hours at a time, and then I would feel fine again for a few hours, and then the fever/sickness would come back.  The other weird thing, was that my forearms ached...like, they were actually sore to the touch.  I'm serious.  I know that is so weird, but they were, and as soon as the cold and flu symptoms went away, so did the forearm soreness.

I made.....this for dinner one night, and it was sooooooo good.

French Fried Onion Spaghetti Bake

I read.... an article in Parenting magazine about a little kindergarten girl that was getting bullied by her classmates.  It wasn't like the crazy awful bullying you hear about on the news and such, where kids end up getting hurt or killed.  It was just a mom, writing in and telling the story of how heartbreaking it had been for her to watch her little girl come home from school every day in tears, because the "popular girls" (in kindergarten!!!!!) were telling her that her clothes were ugly, her hair was ugly, she wasn't cool enough to come to their birthday parties, etc, and how she had then successfully dealt with the situation.  BUT...oh my gosh....it gave me a whole new topic to worry about...something I've never really considered...and that is the thought of Gunnar getting made fun of or picked on in school one day!  That thought just seriously almost brings tears to my eyes.  Kids are SO mean.  I think its the saddest thing in the world for a little kid to get bullied by other kids.  Everyone reading my blog: you better never let me hear about your kids bullying The Gunster, or you may just see a crazy side of me you never knew existed.  Along the same lines, if "The Gunster" is bullying YOUR kid one day...you let me know, and I"ll make sure he has hell to pay.  

We had...a great weekend.  My idea of the perfect weekend, is one in which there is a PERFECT blend of family time with Gunnar, time alone for just Nason and I, AND still some time left over for each of us to do a few things that we want/need to do on our own.  This weekend, we seemed to be able to fit all of that in well.  Nason and I had a date night Friday, and watched a movie together during Gunnar's nap on Saturday.  We took Gunnar to Zilker Park yesterday, and had breakfast at Juan in a Million.  I got my weekend run in (3 1/2 miles.  With my mom!  So proud of her!!).  Nason had a guys night to celebrate a friends birthday, and saw some Navy Seals movie which he came home super pumped up about.  I got some house cleaning done ALONE (isn't it funny how once you have kids, cleaning house ALONE actually becomes an enjoyable activity?), and we had a lazy morning at home with Gunnar this morning.  Did you just hear that?  I said a LAZY MORNING AT HOME. I just wrote in my last blog post that a lazy morning at home with a toddler is something that is unattainable, and yet, this morning, we went to LATE church (11:30), and beforehand, enjoyed what can only be described as a LAZY MORNING.  AT HOME.  WITH GUNNAR.  So I (somewhat) take back what I said before about that not being possible.  

So I really didn't have much to "muse" about this week.  Sorry.  The theme of my week was basically: sick.  Make it through the day, until I can take some Nyquil or Advil PM at night, and crash.  I seem to have a weekly tradition at this point though, of writing my weekly musings on my blog, and I didn't want to break with tradition.  Heaven forbid.  

Nason and I Might Need Some Lessons...

Is there a class called "Babymaking 101" that everyone else has taken, that Nason and I were both somehow absent for?  I know we both were present during Sex Ed, in high school, and I THINK they covered all the necessary info on how one goes about getting pregnant, and yet....we struggle.  There is nothing wrong with either of us (trust me, we've gone through all the tests), but for some reason, it just takes us a looooooooong time to make a kid.  It took us a year and half with Gunnar, and now here we are on Month 8 of trying for Hengst Kid #2, with no luck.  I know it could be worse.  I know some people try a LOT longer than that before getting pregnant, and some people are never able to get pregnant at all.  I know that after trying for 18 months with Gunnar, 8 months really shouldn't even seem like any big deal...and it's not.  We're still totally fine.  We're not in the depths of despair, or even close.   In fact, I'm super pumped that I'm not pregnant yet...so pumped in fact, that I composed a list of all the reasons that I am just THRILLED that my womb is still empty.  (and that of course is a huge lie.  I'm not super pumped at all, but I figured I may as well try to make the best of it, and think of some reasons why it's awesome to not be pregnant).  So here goes:

1) When we were trying to get pregnant with Gunnar, somewhere around month 12, at which point I WAS entering the "depths of despair", I concluded that God's timing was a lot better than mine, and that I really didn't WANT to get pregnant even one day sooner than when God wanted me to get pregnant, and so if I wasn't pregnant yet, it was only because, for reasons that I didn't understand, God had a much better due date in mind than I did.  So I'm reminding myself of that same truth this time around

2) Ideally, I would like my kids to have birthdays at least two or three months apart.  Then I don't have to feel guilty about asking people to attend two different birthday bashes back to back, or buy two birthday presents back to back, for our kids.  (Ok ...people like Michelle and Mary who DO have children with back to back birthdays...remember, I'm trying to make myself feel better by composing this list, and really am just grasping at straws, so just let me have this, but know that I don't mind going to your kids back-to-back parties)

3) I don't have to wear maternity clothes yet.  I was kind of excited the first time around to be pregnant, and wear maternity clothes even, but now, I would gladly bypass all of that, and just have my newborn handed to me, having never gained a single pound myself, or been forced to wear jeans with an elastic waist.  Gross.  I was NOT a cute pregnant person, like I'd always hoped I would be, and I'm not anxious to repeat that particular part of the experience.  Who wants to have to lose 55 pounds?  Not me.

4) I can drink wine, margaritas, coffee, and diet coke for a little bit longer.  I wasn't really even a huge coffee drinker when I was pregnant with Gunnar.  Now I am, and I cannot even imagine what I am going to do without my morning cup of joe.

5) I have at least 9 more months of spending precious time with JUST Gunnar, and not having to share my attention with another kid.

6) Precious as that time with Gunnar is, that little rascal has really been stretching our patience thin lately, and perhaps it's a GOOD thing that it'll be a while still before we add another one into the mix.  Maybe God knows what we can handle better than we do!!

7) If I can just hold out another couple of months without getting pregnant, I will not have to be big and fat during the hottest months of the year, and THAT may just be the #1 Greatest Thing on this list.

So...yippee for not being pregnant!  In fact, I've so convinced myself that it's great to not be pregnant, that I think maybe mine and Nason's new goal will be to NOT get pregnant (hey...is THAT the little tip that all of you learned when you attended Babymaking 101??)

Taking It Down a Notch...Or Up, Depending on How You Look At It...

This blog post is possibly a bit "heavier" than my normal posts are, but come on....things are typically pretty breezy here at "The Gunnar Show", so it won't kill anyone to have read something more serious.  Mostly, I LIKE writing about fun and easy stuff, but I've been thinking about this particular topic lately, so of course I have to blog about it.  

We have some friends...really, more like friends OF friends, who recently delivered twin baby boys at 22 weeks.  One baby, Titus, did not make it, and passed away after 45 minutes.  The other baby, Asher, weighing in at 1 pound, 6 ounces, is fighting for his life in the NICU.  If you'd like to pray for them, that would be awesome.  If you'd like to follow their blog, you can do so at www.bryanandrobynadams.blogspot.com.  

Anyway, Robyn had a post the other day, that really resonated with me.  I'm warning you...the post itself, and the following statements I'm about to make regarding the post, seem a bit sad, BUT really they're not, in the grand scheme of things, and what she had to say is so true.  First, let me summarize what the post was about (for those of you who didn't click on my nifty little link above, and read it for yourself).  Basically, Robyn was talking about how she's been hesitant to fully embrace being a mom. How she's been hesitant to celebrate.  How she's held off on buying some fun things (like a diaper bag), and some necessary things (like a breast pump).  How she hasn't been a full participant in some of the "little victories" that Asher has accomplished so far in the NICU.  She's AFRAID to celebrate, AFRAID to enjoy.  She's AFRAID to buy that diaper bag,  and buy that breast pump, and then end up losing Asher (because yes, his condition is still pretty precarious), and have to have that mommy memorabilia lying around, unused, and serving as a constant reminder of what she lost.  

However, she really felt God speaking to her, and changing her heart, and telling her that she needs to enjoy being a mom NOW.  In fact, her exact words were, "But then, I felt like God was telling me I'm a mom right now. I need to enjoy it now- whatever version of it I get. And I can't live in fear."  It doesn't MATTER what the future holds...good, bad, or something in between.  What matters, is that God has given her THIS moment.  He has blessed her with a child.  He has blessed her by allowing her to experience giving life to little boy, and being his mom.  THAT IS A BLESSING.  

The reason this really resonated with me, even though I have a healthy child, is because I too spend a lot of time living in fear, when it comes to my child.  Ummm, hi, my name is Hayley, and I have a worry problem.  Have I mentioned that?  Ha ha.  Anyway, prior to even reading Robyn's blog post, God had really been convicting ME of the fact that Gunnar is a blessing.  I know..duh, right?  Of course he is.  That wasn't necessarily news to me, or particularly convicting.  But what WAS convicting was the realization that by spending SO.MUCH.TIME living in fear, worry, anxiety, wondering and worrying about what could be wrong with him/is wrong with him/might one day become wrong with him/seems like is wrong with him/heard of someone else that had something wrong with them and so does Gunnar have that wrong with him too?/etc/etc/etc, I'm basically turning something that was INTENDED to be a blessing, into anything BUT.   It's downright shameful, really.  God gave me this wonderful opportunity to be a mom, to have a beautiful child who brings so much joy into my life, and yet I rob myself of the blessing, by allowing that blessing to become a source of anxiety, thereby cancelling out the entire "blessing" aspect of it.  

Psalm 127:3 says, "Children are a blessing from the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."  Period.  Bottom Line.  Children are a blessing.  They just ARE.  

I'm blessed enough to have a child who is healthy.  But even if he wasn't, or even if he someday isn't, or (moving away from the healthy/unhealthy aspect of it) even when he's a total pill, and drains me physically and emotionally, or whines all day, or disobeys all day, HE IS A BLESSING.  I WAS MEANT TO ENJOY HIM.  

I think it's so important that I (and maybe you too) realize this, about our kids, and just about God's blessings in our lives in general.  We don't need to spend so much time..or any time, really...dwelling on what will BECOME of the blessings God has given us. We need to enjoy, and savor, and be thankful for those blessings, in those moment.  

I just can't say enough about how convicting this is to me, and how much I need to apply it.  Yes, for me, it mostly speaks to my worry issue.  But it also speaks to the, "how many more minutes until naptime??" issue, and the "how much longer until daddy gets home, and he can handle you for a while" issue, and the "I cannot wait until the toddler years are over!!" issue.  

I resolve to enjoy every blessing, in the moment, as they come, paying no mind to that Big Bad Bully called, "what the future holds".  

The End

Weekly Musings

Panty Parties.... parties where you exchange panties with your friends, and do things like make homeade "dice" with some VERY interesting things written on them.  If you want to know what kinds of things, I suggest you attend a panty party of your own sometime in the future.  All I know, is that amongst the things I listed out about the Looper's in my previous post, I should have mentioned Donna's keen ability for picking out "soft and elegant" panties.  They were for sure my favorite pair ; )

Valentine's Day.... is really a non-event in our house.  Early on in marriage, Nason and I were NOT unified in this decision. Over the years though, I have, begrudgingly at first (has anyone heard the story of our first Valentine's Day as a married couple? That may have to be a different blog post), and now enthusiastically, adopted his view of this "holiday", and have come to realize that Nason actually treats me pretty darn special MOST days of the year, and that he has his own brand of romance, that isn't necessarily expressed in chocolates and flowers.   It's more expressed in ways like, "Hey Babe, let me take Gunnar for the afternoon, while you have some time to yourself", or "Let me take care of that for you, while you relax for a bit".....and I'll choose that kind of "romance" any day. .  I can buy MYSELF some chocolate, thank you very much.  (By the way, lest Nason get some kind of reputation as a mushy, sappy, puppy dog, let's just clarify that examples such as those mentioned above are not a daily occurence or anything).

Ok, I got WAY off track though, because the main purpose of this "musing" was to say that we DID make Valentine's Day special this year, not necessarily for each other, but for our mutual "Valentine" aka Gunnar.  We took him out for doughnuts in the morning, gave him a little gift, and then it was off to his Valentine's Day party with his friends at Big Bounce.

(On a side note, if you bring cake of any sort into the Big Bounce, you WILL get put under intense scrutiny and investigation, from the vigilent front desk worker, as she tries to make a determination as to whether or not your cake is a birthday cake, and therefore, whether or not you are trying to sneak in a birthday party without paying.  If you tell this worker that it is in fact NOT a birthday party, she WILL NOT BELIEVE you, and she will then proceed to spy on you for the remainder of your visit.  Trust me foks, it's scary.  You don't want to have to go through that.  Stick to cookies, pie, or some other less-threatening dessert).

Gunnar....is a super-quirky kid, and I am learning more and more to just embrace that.  For example, Wednesday, it was warm outside, so I decided it would be fun to get Chick-Fil-A, and take it to the park for a picnic.  I figured we'd eat, then play on the playscape afterwards.  Wouldn't you say that's what most kids do at a park?  Well, not us.  Not Gunnar.  We ate, and then we proceeded to walk around in a field, on the outskirts of the playground, for about an hour.  We did not get on the playscape even once.  We wandered around aimlessly.  We picked a few clovers. We wandered around aimlessly.  We found a stick or two.  We wandered around aimlessly.  We sat in the grass.  We wandered around aimlessly.  We left.  And Gunnar had a blast.  I literally had to bite my tongue at least ten different times, to keep myself from saying, "Gunnar, don't you want to swing?  Don't you want to slide?  Don't you want to go over there with all the other kids?  Don't you want to [do anything besides wander around this barren field????], but I have decided that this is my kid's personality, and if going to the park was supposed to be all about him, and wandering around is what he wants to do, then wandering around is what we shall do.

If you have a baby....and we bring you a meal, it's going to be Chuy's.  Hopefully you like that, because that's what you're getting from us.  I COULD cook you something, and honestly, I'm not a HORRIBLE cook...I can hold my own in the kitchen...but is there anything I can cook that you would want more than Chuy's?  Doubtful.  If so, you need to try something I've cooked, then try Chuy's again, and then re-answer that question.  We brought Chuy's to the Looper's on Thursday night, and I'm pretty sure that other than the birth of their son, and bringing their son home from the NICU, it was about the best thing that ever happened to them.

Us with Little Ben

When your "date night in" ends at 9:45, with both of you asleep on the couch, it means that you're: AWESOME.  Hey, at least we were asleep TOGETHER on the couch.

"Lazy Saturdays at home: Really?  IS there such a thing, when you have a toddler?  I wonder if Nason and I are just weird.  I mean, I really do wonder that.  Because I always hear people, EVEN people with toddlers, talk about "just having a lazy morning at home with the fam", or "a lazy Saturday around the house", and that just does not compute with us. "Lazy" to us means: read a book.  sleep.  drink a cup of coffee while reading the paper.  catch up on 20/20 or 48 Hours mystery.  sleep again.  It does NOT mean "think of an endless stream of activities for a bored, cooped-up 2 year old, who can't go outside to play because it's too cold, and who can't cuddle up on the couch to watch a movie, because 20 minutes is about the extent of his attention span, to do."  All that to say, we attempted one of our FIRST, stay-home-and-do-nothing-all-day-on-a-Saturday, Saturdays.  It was a failure.  We were bored, stir-crazy, and irritable.

Three things to note:

1) We love Gunnar, more than just about anything
2) We love spending time with him
3) We're ok not having lazy Saturdays.  We totally believe that having kids means you start having a different KIND of fun..maybe even a BETTER kind of fun...but definitely different, and definitely not lazy

So next Saturday, look for us at Chick Fil A, Big Bounce, the park, or the mechanical rides at the mall.  Or possibly all of the above.


The Beth....had a birthday, and so Krista, Michelle and I had the honor of getting to celebrate it with her at Moonshine last night.  I think I am so lucky to have Beth Losurdo as a friend, and I am SO glad that she was born.  That's all I'm going to say about that, because she will likely be featured in one of my upcoming "Spotlight" editions, and I wouldn't want to ruin that, now would I?

P.S....my parents gave Gunnar a Buzz Lightyear for Valentine's Day, and upon seeing it, he said the cutest thing I've ever heard him say, in his whole life.  He said, "I've been dreaming of this my whole life!"  Love it.  This is one of those things that falls into the category of, "no one else cares about, BUT since one of the main purposes of my blog is to document special memories, for MY future reference, this had to make the cut this week).

Spotlight On....The Loopers!

So, I thought I'd start doing a little "feature", if you will, on my blog, spotlighting some of the most important/very favorite people in our lives.  I thought it would be kind of fun for me to write, fun for the spotlight-ee to read, and possibly fun for the rest of you to read as well.  If it's not fun for the rest of you to read, well....no one's forcing you to read my blog.  Go read something else, already!  Just kidding.

Anyway, due partially to the fact that we're having dinner with them tonight, and therefore I can snap a blog picture of them, which will fit in nicely with this segment, AND due partially to the fact that they have the most excitement going on in their lives right now, AND due to the fact that we just love them, the Looper's will be  the focus of this first "Spotlight" edition.  Other friends/family of mine...beware...your time will come!

Who Are the Looper's?
Lance, Donna, and Ben.  I love that they are a family of three now!  I'm sure THEY are happy that they're a family of three now, if for no other reason, so that everyone (Nason and I included) will finally get off their backs about having kids.  They've been hassled and nagged and pressured about that for YEARS now.  Years, I tell you.  Potentially, I may have been the #1 nagger.  It's just that they are so SO good with everyone ELSE'S kids, that it seemed crazy that they didn't have any of their own.  Plus, we were tired of them being able to sleep as late as they wanted, and stay out as late as they wanted, and take as many naps as they wanted, while the rest of us no longer had such luxuries.  Really, it just boiled down to a jealousy thing ; )

How Did We Meet Them?
We all attended Hill Country Bible Church UT together.  And yeah...that question just doesn't really lend itself to much elaboration or story-telling, so we'll just move on....

Why Do We Love Them?
They're easy to love!  They are so, SO low-key.  My favorite thing about the Looper's is that I never feel the need to entertain them, or think of things to talk about with them, or feel like I have to be "on" for them.  Heck, I don't really even bother cleaning my house for them anymore when they come over (and Looper's,  I hope you know that's a compliment and NOT an insult). They are just completely go-with-the-flow, down-to-earth, conversation-flows-naturally kind of people.  Oh, and Donna has an EXTREMELY high capacity for taking all kinds of crap aka "ruthless picking on" from Nason...which really, for Nason, is the #1 thing he's looking for in a girl friend.

Ok...watch this...Nason is about to be forced to contribute to what is supposed to be OUR blog...I'm about to yell the following question to him, "Nason, what do you like best about Lance?"...let's see what he says....

Here goes....

Me:  "Hey Nason, what do you like best about Lance?"
Nason: "What? Why"
Me: "Just answer the question.  Don't ask why"
Nason:  "Um...he's a good writer"

Well ok then.

Lance, I promise Nason loves you more than that response implies.

(By the way, Lance IS a good writer, which is just one more thing you now know about the Looper's)

Follow them on their blog if you wish, at www.benjaminlev.blogspot.com

Cute Little Family

Cute Little Ben

Musings...

This week...
Enock Box...had his first birthday party.  Not his first birthday, but his first PARTY.  Him and all his little best buds spent the morning at Zilker Park.  The highlight of the party was supposed to be the train, but turns out, it wasn't running that day.  Enock AND his mama were such good sports about it though, and fun was had by all.  Well, by most.  Pretty sure Gunnar didn't really have much fun...turns out poor little guy was sporting an ear infection, that was making him pretty miserable.  The evidence is in the pictures...just look at him tugging on that ear!

My sister...came to the party too, and it was so good to see her.  Turns out, for a single gal, who is rarely ever around kids, she's actually quite helpful, and somewhat of a natural with them.  Wish I'd snapped a picture of her and Gun, but I failed to do so.  

When you don't realize your kid is sick.....it sucks, and makes you feel like a bad mom!  Gunnar has been a NUTCASE..an absolute NUTCASE, I tell you.....for about two weeks now.  Just inexplicably crazy.  In hindsight, when Nason and I think back, he WAS tugging on his ear a lot during those two weeks, and even complaining of stuff being "too loud", but he had NO fever, and other than being a NUTCASE (have I said that word enough?) he didn't act sick at all, so we were totally shocked to find out he actually had a pretty bad ear infection.  So if you learn nothing else from my blog, learn that sometimes kids can have ear infections, even with no fever!

Our weekend....was FABULOUS!  We spent the weekend downtown at the Hilton, and celebrated our "Valentines Day" Friday night....Kenichi, Max's Wine Dive, and tattoos (more to come on that topic later).  Then on Saturday, we joined up with our best buds the Box's and the Hunt's, and attended the A Future and a Hope Adoption Conference (more to come on that later, too).  That night, we decided to unwind from the day at Moonshine, which we'd never been to before, and now LOVE.  

The Vow...wasn't QUITE as good as I expected it to be, but I'd still classify it as "Really Good", and gosh do I ever love Rachel McAdams.  I seriously think she is just the cutest girl ever, and I gravitate between loving her (because how could you not?) and hating her (because I'm super jealous of her cuteness).  Anyway, in my opinion, it's definitely a go-see, but VERY girly (wouldn't recommend bringing your husbands along, even if, like my husband, they tend to somewhat enjoy girl movies.  This one is just PURE girl). Also, it's no "Notebook", so don't go expecting that, either.  Oh, and Channing Tatum is no Ryan Gosling, so don't go expecting that, either ; )

My "Grace Story"

I became a Christian when I was 6 years old.  I know....sounds so dumb, right?  Are you old enough to make decisions like that when you're only six years old, or are you just kind of rolling with whatever your parents believe?   Well for me, I'd say "both", and I'll go on to describe what I mean in a bit.  Anyway, when I was 6, the church that we were members of at the time put on this big children's event with music and plays and speakers, in an attempt to present the gospel to us in a kid-friendly way.

So I remember hearing the message, mostly understanding it, knowing that it was something my parents believed and had accepted, knowing that hell certainly sounded scary, and that was no place I wanted to go, and deciding, "Guess I'd better do this".  Luckily, my parents and my church knew that the decision warranted more thought and consideration than that, even if you were only six, and so I went through a short class at the church, that basically laid out the gospel message in terms that a six year old could understand.  Wanna hear the Gospel Message for Six Year Olds?  Ironically, it's the exact same thing as the Gospel Message for Thirty Year Olds:

- There's God, and He's perfect (He has no sin)
- There's us, and we're not (we're full of sin)
- God can't be around sin
- God loves us and DESIRES to be around us
- The sin's gotta go in order for that to happen
- We can't get rid of it ourselves
- Uh Oh...sounds like a problem
- Actually, it's not, because God sent Jesus to take the sin AWAY from us, so that we can still have a relationship with Him, DESPITE our sin
- We have to believe that and accept that
- Problem Solved

Anyway, that all made sense to me.  It made perfect sense, in fact. So I made the decision to accept Jesus as my savior.

And then after that, not a lot happened for a while.

Then when I was probably 14 or so, I started questioning EVERYTHING about what I believed.  I wasn't sure at all anymore if God was real, if Jesus was real, if the Bible was real, if Heaven or Hell was real...all of it seemed a bit hokey for a while.  I was really scared that I was "believing" something that was all a lie.  I was also really scared though to NOT believe it, in case it was true.   So I spent a whole summer pouring over books...reading anything and everything I could get my hands on that presented evidence...both philisophical and physical...of why it wasn't crazy to believe what I believed.  Why it, in fact, was very well-founded, and rational.  That was kind of a weird, difficult, and draining summer for me, but at the end of it, I felt like I could truly say that my faith was my own, and not just my parents.

And then after that, not a lot happened for a while.

I went to high school.  I drank beer and went to parties.  No one would really ever have any reason to "suspect" that I may be a Christ-follower.

Then, I went to college, and Nason stayed home in Austin, and pretty much NONE of my friends came with me to A&M, and I knew NO one, so for the first month or so, I felt a little lonely, and lost, and suddenly very aware of how dependent I was on PEOPLE (specifically Nason, and my parents) to make me feel happy, secure, and content.  I had a renewed desire to kind of "get to know" God again.  I started attending a Bible study at A&M, and really began to grow a lot in my relationship with Him.  I learned a lot that semester about what it meant to depend on HIM, and not on other people, to make me whole.

AND then....I drank some more beer, and went to some more parties, and kind of forgot about God for a while.

Don't hear me wrong by the way...if you're in college, and of age, by all means, drink some beer and go to some parties.  It'll be ok.  Of much graver concern than the beer and parties, was the fact that nothing in me was seeking God whatsoever during that time...figuring out what He wanted from me, DOING it, becoming more like Him, telling others about Him...those were the furthest things from my mind.

Then Nason and I decided it was time to quit being lukewarm...either we WERE people who followed Jesus, or we weren't.  We decided that we were, and that our new priority was going to be to live for Him.  So we did, and we do, and in the last 8 years, I have continued to backslide here and there....going through periods where God is really really growing me, and changing me, and showing me new things every day, and then going through periods where I am just so spiritually lazy, and so caught up in day to day life, that I forget about God for a while.

And that's it.

Which is why sometimes I feel like my "grace story" sucks.  I hear about people all the time who were addicted to crack..well ok I guess I don't really hear about people ALL the time that were addicted to CRACK...but I hear about people who had drug addictions, alchohol addictions, crazy horrible lives...and then they accepted Jesus and their lives were turned around 180 degrees.  They have these awesome stories where it is SO obvious how Jesus changed their lives, and I sometimes feel like I don't have that.

BUT...

I've come to two really important realizations, and if you didn't pay attention to anything else, I hope you pay attention to this:

- Sin is sin, and it's what keeps us from God.  Maybe I was never a prostitute living in a crack den, but I may as well have been.  In God's eyes, no sin is better or worse than another, and by continuously turning my back on Him, continuously finding other things that were/are more worthy of my time and attention than Him, by continuously making MY priorities more important than HIS priorities, by losing my temper, by gossiping, by being greedy and stingy with my time and money, I'm offending God, and therefore I too need/needed someone to take my sin away from me.  Jesus did.  THAT's grace.  

- God loves me too much to leave me the way I am, so when I think back over my life, every time I've gone through periods where I'm oblivious to God, he has ALWAYS reeled me back in. He has ALWAYS continued to grow and shape me. He has ALWAYS met me where I'm at, and then shown me how to go from there, to where HE wants me to go.  Every day, He works on making me more and more like Him.   THAT'S grace.

And that, folks, is my "Grace Story".

Own It!

Our current sermon series at church right now is called, "Elements: Essentials for Owning Your Salvation".  We've been talking about how we are each responsible for our own spiritual growth, and that in order to "own it" (take responsibility for it), there are 5 "essentials" that every Christ-follower should be doing.  So far, we have discussed four of them:

1) Pursuing God 

2) Forming Christ-Like Relationships

3) Being Good Stewards of our Lives

4) Sharing our "Grace Story" with others

(In the event that you were interested in learning more about any or all of the above, you can listen to the sermons online http://mediaplayer.hcbc.com/. )

Anyway, last week, Pastor Tim gave us a huge challenge.  (and really, there shouldn't be anything all that challenging about this "challenge", but for some reason, it is).  He  talked about how most of us are OVERLY eager to share so many aspects of our life with others.  For example, we post all kinds of things on Facebook, blogs, etc about our new house, our new job, the milestones that our children are achieving, our current workout regime, the fact that our kid peed in the potty for the first time (ahem ahem), what our views are on politics and specific candidates, and the list goes on and on.  How many of us though bother to share with others the very thing that a LOT of us CLAIM is the most important thing in our live...our relationship with God?  Not many.  Hang on...it gets more convicting.  

He went on to say this: as Christians, we believe that there is such a thing as Heaven, and we believe that there is such a thing as Hell.  We believe that a relationship with Jesus....accepting and acknowledging Him as our personal savior...is the ONLY way to get into Heaven, and thereby avoid Hell.    We CLAIM we believe this...we accept it OURSELVES...and yet......we don't tell anyone else about it?  What!?!  The point (right now) is not even whether we are right and wrong about our beliefs.  That would be a whole other sermon.  An entire sermon series, perhaps.  The point he was making in THIS particular sermon, was that we BELIEVE we know the way to have eternal life, and yet often times, we don't feel any urgency to tell others.  He compared it to a person who found the cure for cancer, used it to cure themselves, and then never bothered to tell a single other soul about it, despite the fact that millions of people worldwide suffer from cancer.  

ANYWAY.  He concluded with a challenge, to EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON sitting in church that day.  He said, "I challenge you this week to tell someone your "Grace Story"...YOUR personal story of what Jesus has done in YOUR life".  He said it multiple times.  Like, maybe the first time you could just pretend you didn't hear him say that.  He said it at least three times though, and even if you were there and you are deaf, that wouldn't be an excuse, because they have a sign language interpreter.  So personally, I feel like if I don't take him up on this challenge, I'll be the lamest, most timid little mouse of a person ever, so.......up next is my "Grace Story".  ("up next" because I hear a certain two year old starting to stir around in his bed, and I'm betting I have about two minutes left before I start to hear "Mama" being yelled at full volume from his room)

Some Musings on the Week...

Monday....Nason and I are back to having Monday-night "meetings".  Really, it's just planned out, quality time, where we're not allowed to look at phones, computers, ipads, ipods, or TV.  We actually have to talk to each other.  Remarkable!  And.....the TV DOES come on eventually, because after all, Monday nights are Batchelor  nights, and heaven forbid I miss that.  I love our Monday nights together though.  Wine is most definitely a part of it, and it is just so wonderful and refreshing to be able to have an actual meaningful, COMPLETE conversation, with the guy that I love.  I think I like the "complete" part even more than the "meaningful" part. Being able to spit out MULTIPLE sentences at once without getting interrupted by a certain little voice saying "mama" is just divine...I don't even care WHAT we're talking about

One Reason I Love Nason....he can always be counted on to say what's on his mind, and say it without beating around the bush.  He had lunch with some guy this week, and somehow the topic of church, God, and Jesus came up.  Nason starts describing to him the relationship between God, and us.  Nason doesn't go all "spiritual" on him, or "church talk-ish".  He says this: "Dude, it's like a loving husband, and a wife who is a cheating whore.      Every day the husband comes home from work, and find his wife sleeping with some new dude.  God is the husband,  and we ALL are the cheating whores.  God keeps pursuing us and loving us and coming after us over and over, even though all we do all the time is "cheat" on him by constantly pursuing and loving other things more than Him."  To which the guy responded, "Hmmm.  That's good.  I've never heard anyone put it that way."  I'm sure he hasn't!!!  Ha ha.  I love it though!  What a wise and funny guy 'ole Nasie Cat is.  

I made......yet ANOTHER super delicious recipe off of Pinterest.  Icebox Cake.  Look it up.  I don't feel like fiddling around and figuring out how to link it to this post, but trust me...it was GOOD.  

I found out....some really fun news.  No, I'm not pregnant.  And don't you worry about what the news is.  When this blog is ready to share it with the world, it will.  

I am SO excited BECAUSE....Little Benjamin Looper is FINALLY coming home!!  Whoo hoo!!!! Wanna see how cute he is?  Look!

If you don't know the Looper's, and haven't followed their story, Ben was born about 9 weeks early, with some heart complications, but he is A-Ok now..healthy, happy, and getting chubbier every day...and I am so excited he gets to go live at home with his wonderful Mommy and Daddy now, and get out of that dang NICU!!!!

I Should Be.... folding laundry, and running 2 miles right now, instead of blogging.  It is FREEZING outside though, and windy, and downright miserable, so whether or not the running happens, remains to be seen.  I have no excuse for not doing the laundry though, so off I go......

3 More Thoughts on Tattoos...

1) When I think about OTHER people (that aren't me) getting tattoos, over the age of 30, it doesn't necessarily seem like a desperate attempt to cling to youth.  It's only when I think of myself doing it....and even then, it's more that OTHER people will VIEW it as a desperate attempt to cling to youth.  So all of you (several of whom I've talked to since writing this blog post) who are over 30 and thinking about getting tattoos...I don't you think you're dumb.  Which leads me to my next point...

2) Krista Box...you're one of the coolest girls I know, and if you get a tattoo, even at the ripe old age of 32, I won't think you're lame.  I promise.  I was (and still am) the biggest supporter you have, of the half-sleeve idea.  Plus, you look like you're 25.  18, even.  If you get a tattoo, people may think you're too YOUNG to get one, and that you need your parents permission first :)

3) My sister, an Authentic Tattoo Person, has assured me that people in their 30's are most definitely NOT too old to be getting tattoos.

Pretty "Radical", Alright...

I just finished reading "Radical" by David Platt.  "Radical" has been on my book list for, like, forever. By the way,  part of being a bookworm, and maybe just a nerdy person in general, means that you do things like this:

Have 4 Booklists...

- Parenting Books
- God Books (I just don't know how to word this category.  Spiritual books?  Jesus books?)
- Just for Fun Books (Fiction, sometimes it may be somewhat intelligent fiction, other times it just may be Trashy Romance Novel caliber)
- Educational books (if I'm learning about SOMETHING, it counts)

Then, every time I hear of a book I want to read, I add it to the appropriate list, and I just constantly cycle through each category.  Seriously, why do I have such a complicated system for reading books?  I really don't know.

Anyway, "Radical" got added to the list probably a year ago, but there was a LOT of books already in line in front of it.  I have to say, I was glad about that fact.  "Radical" is one of those books that you know you should read, and you know it's going to be good, but you know it's going to be incredibly, INCREDIBLY convicting, and therefore, the longer you put off "having" to read it, the longer you can put off "having" to do what it says.

I've been scratching off books from my list all year long, nervously getting closer and closer to "Radical", and then last month, I finally got to it.  Ugh.  So I thought, "Ok.  Let's do this.  Let's just read it, read it fast, get it over with, check it off the list, and move on to Danielle Steele or something".  So is that what I did?  No!!!!  I finished it, THEN suggested to my small group that we all read it together as a group.  What in the world was I thinking???  Why do I want to subject myself to this book a second time??  Honestly, I DON'T want to.  I'm just not sure what came over me, when I suggested that.  .  Here's the thing.. the book WAS good, no doubt, but upon reading it, you really can't just finish it and move on to the next thing.  You have to decide what you are going to do, with what you've read.  I GUESS you could do nothing, but I think after reading it, and CLEARLY hearing God speak to you through it, it would be an awfully risky little gamble to just totally ignore Him.

Anyway, I have LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS of thoughts on this book.  Things I agree with the author on, things that I'm not sure if I do or not, things I was majorly convicted about, etc.  Rather than make this already much too wordy Blog of mine even wordier, by having one, 30 minute long post on this book, I think instead, as my small group goes through the book a second time, I'll write a series of mini-posts about my thoughts, and our thoughts as a group, on this crazy little book.  Stay tuned for that.

Tattoos and Aging

Have you met my sister? She has a lot of tattoos.

I think she pulls the look off well. I couldn't pull off having that many tattoos, and honestly, probably wouldn't want to. It's her style, it's not mine. BUT. But. I DO like tattoos. More lately, than ever. I don't know why. Maybe it's slightly due to Kristin's influence. Maybe it's a genetic thing, and Money-girls are just hardwired to like tattoos, and only one of us (the one that isn't me) has been brave enough to actually GET them, while the other one has just always secretly WANTED to (By the way, I do have two, but they're tiny, and one is a flower on my lower-back, which, for heaven's sake, cannot even be counted. A flower has got to be the #1 Lamest Tattoo Design a person can possibly get, and the only thing lamer than a flower itself, is a flower positioned on your lower back). Anyway, regardless of what the reasons may be, I would really like to get a few more tattoos.

 I have ALWAYS had a thing for forearm tattoos ...and I think that's where I'd like to get one. Or two. But definitely no more than three. I really love the location of this one too:

Here's my issue though....I think I may be too old. What do you think? Here are two things I fear in life:

 1) Aging (kind of ashamed to admit that this is a fear. Yes, I realize that our worth and value has NOTHING to do with appearance, and that wisdom comes with age, and yada yada yada. I really do realize that. I still think it sucks).

 2) Doing goofy things to make it look/seem as though I'm NOT aging, without even realizing that that's what I'm doing.

 I have a fear that getting new tattoos at age 30-rapidly-approaching-31 COULD potentially be a classic example of #2 (or at least be perceived as that).

 So I feel this urgency to hurry up and get them if I'm going to get them.

 30 is still young enough that you can KIND of still lump yourself in with the 20's crowd...the crowd that is DEFINITELY still within the acceptable age range of tattoing. MAYBE you even still can at 31.  By 32 or 33 though, you probably need to go ahead and start lumping yourself  in with 30's and 40's crowd, and unless you are just an authentic Tattoo Person (and I think we can all agree I'm not), you're just too old to be doing such things. At least I THINK that's my opinion. I haven't officially decided, and that's why I'm asking for YOUR input. So weigh in!

My Blog Isn't Going to Have Many Pictures..Deal With It

Here's the primary reason I continuously find myself starting, stopping, and then re-starting my blog: I initially get really excited about the idea of blogging, because I LOVE to write, and I LOVE to record all of the eventful (ok, who are we kidding... mostly boring, no-so-eventful) things that make up our daily lives, because I LOVE to go back months and years later, and re-read all of it. But then this pressure slowly starts to build...the pressure to have PICTURES. I feel like most people who are in the market for quality blog-reading, are expecting pictures. They browse quickly through the words, in search of the PICTURES. "Why are there so many words on this blog, and NO PICTURES??!??!??", is probably what anyone who reads my blog is saying. Well here's the deal, people....my camera sucks, I suck at taking pictures, I feel like an annoying member of the papparazi whenever I try to snap shots at playdates, birthday parties, and other such events, AND really, it's just the principle...if I'm taking a picture solely for the purpose of posting it on my blog, well that's just goofy. I was feeling kind of bummed about this, like maybe it means I just shouldn't have a blog, but then I remembered two things: 1) This blog isn't solely for your eyes only...it's for MINE. And I am perfectly happy having no pictures on here 2) One of my very favorite blogs that I follow is my cousin-in-law's (or something like that...it's my husband's cousin's wife), and her blog has very few pictures, and yet I absolutely love it. In fact, you should follow it, too. Click here. She is freaking hilarious. By the way Amanda, although we are family, I'm pretty sure we've only met in person like twice ever, but I wish we could hang more, because your blog posts never fail to make me laugh out loud!!! So.....if a blog with pictures is what you're in the market for, you might ought to quit visiting mine, because you're going to continue to find yourself sorely disappointed. If what you ARE in the market for is boring stories that only I find interesting, fascinating-only-to-me updates about Gunnar, my insights that seem really intelligent and thought provoking to me, but probably aren't to anyone else, and the occasional link to other people's blogs who are way more interesting than me, than this is the blog for you!!